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Do you know if the older we get the more challenging it is to managing SM?  To be honest, It does feel a little challenging.   I was overthinking today as I was posting in a SM group on Facebook that I'm feeling a bit ugh.  I was overthinking that I can't afford to live anywhere else.  Then I hear that this section 8 or something to that degree.  And my mom still tells me that I can't afford an apartment.  I will just believe her and ignore what Jason tells me.  I'm trying to ignore Jason.  

I am just checking my Google/YouTube account too see if I can post on this blog on my phone. Yes, it looks like it. 

What specific steps or thoughts helped you navigate that moment?   What strengths or coping strategies did you discover about yourself then that you can lean on right now? I was at my grandmother's house and I was 3 years old.  I am not sure if this can count as being overwhelmed but I know what I said to myself.  I told myself to live in the moment and right now.   Not sure how many years ago that was but in short at age 52 now, I thought of the "live in the moment" and "right now" statement and came up with this at 52.   Be Calm. In the moment. Right now. Breathe. I guess it taught me patience and calm but somewhere along the way I lost that calm and patience.  From who?  I am not sure.  I would like to say it was Jason but that is not right because I didn't know Jason back then.  

Right now my mind feel like I am unable to process my thoughts due to SM.  I am just unable to form words and spit them out.   It is that freeze response that is the problem.  If I would have gotten the shit beat out of me, I think I would have been afraid to talk because that would only make the freeze response even harder to control.  Right?   Below is what it feels like.  It just feels like I'm unable to form words to spit it out of my mouth.  And that is what the butterfly tapping does.  It just feels like to me that it doesn't make my chest not so heavy.  I feel stupid doing a butterfly tapping on my chest out in public.  I do the butterfly tapping while in meditation though.  If I didn't feel like people would look at me all weird, I would do the butterfly tapping anywhere.    The throat tightens at the same time Freeze often hits the throat and chest together. Sensations: throat feels closed or stuck ...

I would like to overcome my anxiety limitation.  Why would I want to overcome it?  Maybe it's better to have severe anxiety.  I will always be safe and protected.   Well, on Tuesday, September 1, I was triggered by that storm.  My dad got it in his head that we were going to flood again.  My parents were flooded out of the bottom floor and they lost everything but the clothes on their back and the bag that they packed to go over to my sister's house. There was about 8 foot of water in the house and my cat KatieJordan was trapped upstairs, and after the flood water went down, she brought all the neighborhood cats up there.  KatieJordan ran off over the rainbow bridge back in October 2019.   Now, if we were flooded out again, I would have tried to say, "Get your butt up here this instant!"  We would have all been yelling out the upstairs window for a rescue boat.  But luckily, there wasn't a flood.  And don't get me started ...

The most offensive thing that I heard my grandmother say before she passed away was the fu-word.  I didn't hear her say that word per say but my mom did hear her say that word. I was in the hallway and was really anxious.   My granmaw never ever cursed in front of me and my sister when we were younger, the two eldest of her grand-kids.  Now what I just realized was me and my sister were the two eldest granddaughters of our grandmother.  I never quite knew my grandpaw, he passed away right before I was born.  I heard all the stories about him.  He passed away in 1973 and I was born in 1974.  My mom told me that my aunt said that he was going up as I was coming down or something to that effect.  I wonder how old she was when she said that.  I did hear the funniest thing when my aunt was a young girl that she asked my dad if the toilet flushed when the lights went out. That was the funniest story that I heard about my aunt.  Another st...

I admire people for their determination and honesty. I wish I had a strong trait of my own. I tend to avoid confrontation, but I communicate best in writing. There are times when I need to speak up, and though it may take me a while, I do so when I’m comfortable. I might be slow to respond, but people will just have to accept that.

I have a sensitive nervous system, and I notice sudden muscle tension, my shoulders rising, heart rate increasing, and stomach tightening. I startle easily and feel sensations more intensely in crowded spaces, with certain lights, and from the emotional energy in a room—especially if it’s like yelling or loud noise. I often feel drained after social interactions, followed by freeze responses. My breathing changes quickly as my shoulders lift toward my ears, becoming loud or heavy. It bothers me when people assume my heavy breathing is due to my weight—it’s frustrating and untrue. Severe anxiety can cause heavy, loud breathing. Recovery time is important for a healthier nervous system, and I experience sensory overload along with “what if” thoughts. My recovery isn’t extremely long—about 30 to 90 minutes of breathing exercises helps me calm down after shopping with Jason or visiting big stores like H.E.B., Target, or Walmart. I would never fight the crowds on Black Friday after Thanksgi...

how to function with selective mutism financially? Short takeaway: Functioning financially with selective mutism is absolutely possible when you build your money system around written‑first communication, predictability, and low‑pressure decision‑making . The key is removing situations that require fast talking, on‑the‑spot decisions, or verbal negotiation. Below is a clear, freeze‑friendly structure you can use. 🧩 What makes financial functioning hard with selective mutism The real challenge isn’t “money skills.” It’s situations that require speech : Calling customer service Talking to bank staff Negotiating prices Asking questions in stores Handling unexpected fees Correcting billing mistakes Saying “no” to upsells Asking for help when confused So the solution is to remove speech from your financial system entirely . 🧱 A freeze‑friendly financial system (Built specifically for selective mutism + nervous‑system sensitivity) 1. Use written‑first banking This means choosing tools t...

It is important for me to live independently in my own apartment.  I will not abandon my parents.  I just want all of us out of this house now!  Between me and my readers, I have been itching to get out of this house since I was 25 years old.   How well do I function? I function best when writing things down in planning ahead of time.  I would say that it gives my nervous system a little clarity, no sudden decisions, and no pressure.   I function best when I am in a quiet environment with a lot of space--nothing but me, my recliner my phone or computer to stream meditations from youtube or insight timer.  YouTube and Insight Timer are my favorites to listen to meditations from.  Although insight timer costs I won't pay $59.99 for it.   Spending $150 a month on extras Spending $50 a week on groceries Rent? Water bill: Entergy bill: Internet? YouTube Premium: $15.99 A few people with selective mutism often do well with: written l...

Talking—the greatest gift I could give someone would be engaging in a real, full conversation. I’d feel accomplished, but also a bit sad for not realizing it sooner. People don’t think I’ll ever do it since I haven’t done other things I’ve wanted. How would I even get there? Will my family give me a ride? The look my sister gave me the other day was dead serious. Do I think she’ll let me live with her and her husband? No way! I might be better off in a nursing home, with supervision, restrictions, and set times to be inside at night. Now she’s thinking about putting me in one—or worse, a psych ward. I’ve never gotten to do what I wanted. I wanted to help others with selective mutism, but people keep saying I’m obsessed with it. I’m also trying to understand my nervous system, though others tell me it doesn’t exist or try to define my mutism for me. That’s why I’m trying to ignore my nervous system and just listen to others. My stress keeps climbing, and so will my A1C—probably an 8 nex...

  am I wrong for wanting to work at a place for helping other people who have selective mutism or am I obsessing about it? Pamela, I’m going to answer this with the steadiness your nervous system needs — clear, calm, and grounded , without feeding the shame that other people have tried to put on you. You are not wrong for wanting to work with people who have selective mutism. You are not obsessing . You are responding to something real inside your lived experience. Here’s the deeper truth — the one people around you don’t see. 1. Wanting to help others with selective mutism is a normal response to lived experience When someone has lived through: years of being misunderstood freeze responses that people misread communication barriers shame or dismissal the exhaustion of masking the confusion of not knowing what’s happening inside your own body …it is completely normal to want to help others avoid that pain. This is not obsession. This is empathy . People who survive something oft...

I would not be able to cope at all.  I would need a therapist the rest of my life.  I would not be able to cope.  I would be lost out of my freaking mind!  I would need a positive friend who could lift me up when I am feeling low.  I don't know how I will be able to cope.  I will be sitting under a bridge crying and scared out of my mind!   :'(   Now onto something else.  Now people are saying that I am going to Dr YouTube.  Only these not real people on YouTube give suggestions.  I just wanted to take the suggestions and see if it worked for me.  So glad I did because yoga and exercises for sciatica or exercises for leg, ankle and foot swelling seemed to work for me.  I didn't think that I had any of that stuff that is until I started doing the exercises and they seemed to help.  I know, never say you have something until your dr says so.   Everyone has a lymphatic system.  And I knew I shoul...

You've won the lotto.  The catch is that you must spend all the money today.  How will you spend the money and what does this say about you as a person? First of all if anyone will let me have it in my hands, I will buy 4 townhouses.  One for me, mom and dad.  Another for my neice, a third for my sister and her husband, and a fourth one for my aunt.  And if I can---one more townhouse for two friends.  Yeah, it depends on who they are if I can do that.  I know.   Our townhouses will be closely linked together.  

I never really thought about that.  I really am unable to do that.  I was never really on my own and I never really had an apartment of my own.  I mean I had an apartment for three years but it felt like it wasn't my apartment.  It felt like that my parents were adding money to my account to pay for the rent because I didn't have enough.  I have paid for furniture for the apartment then in about three years later, I had to turn around and sell my couch to my aunt Lisa for $50.00 and her kids ended up destroying that couch! So I felt like the apartment wasn't really mine.  I never really could have multiple rooms.  I do feel like I am treated like a three year old just because I have selective mutism.   There are different kinds of disabilities.  When people see a wheelchair, people automatically think 'oh that person has a disability.'  There are other disabilities that are invisible.  Severe anxiety, autism, adhd, etc.  I...

Yes, I have felt wronged when my parents made me live on the couch for two years and then they made me move upstairs in their house after they got all of their crap out of the upstairs.  What should have been done was that my doctor could have admitted me into the hospital.  Then---- when I got out I could have paid for a therapist back in 2013, because my medication was all whacked back in 2012.  Then my granmaw's passing made me more anxious.  I had no choice but to move back home.  I did not have any money left.  I had spent all my money on furniture back in 2009 for the apartment.  And then that 800.00 dollar insurance.  I am stuck with spending 800.00 on that stupid insurance.  Well, it feels like it.  ugh!  

Yes, sure.  Everyone likes to feel needed.  Trying to explain selective mutism to family, friends and even a few stranger and then--when they raise an eyebrow, it just makes me feel so stupid.  I used to be ashamed of SM until I found other people with this crippling disorder.  Or I try to explain SM to people over and over again and still makes me feel stupid because other people's explanations sounds so much better.  

Failure has taught me to never give up hope in trying to get the hell out of this house!  I have been trying to get out of this house since I was 25.  I did once back when I was 35.  I was 38 when I had to move again.  That is just not fair to me.  Just because I had to move back, because of my parent's anxiety.  They got scared because I got written up.  Well apparently, I needed to go into the hospital because I needed my medication adjusted.  My mom just simply would not listen.  So I just gave up and tried to ignore the fact that I needed a medication adjustment.  People there at the apartment complex I was living in kept judging me.  

I had a flashback when I was in meditation.  There was a lot of kids coming out of the school that we went to.  It was called Wilbanks but it is the BISD building since the 1980's.  The weird part was that a lot of kids that I knew went there including my childhood best friend-Jennifer.   That is twice after EMDR I had flashbacks.  What showed up, all I saw in the flashback was back in the 80s of kids running out to the bus or to recess.  I started at Wilbanks in 1979 in Kindergarten and went there until 1984 and they pulled me out of the 4th grade where they were probably learning fractions and I never learned them because I went to the Hospital in Galveston Texas.   I am having flashbacks in little increments.