Tuesday April 18, 2023 | Trauma at 3

There was guy Robert Young. He made me do stuff when I was three that I wasn't comfortable doing!  But what was it?   I have never been more relieved to hear that he had died years later. I could be more thrilled to hear that he had died.  It was awful what he did to me. Would someone be thrown in jail for that?  Or he could have just yelled at me and or made me stay in a corner when I didn't even do anything.  Or it could have been my fault.  Then again, Robert Young yelled at his own kids and punished them.  

I am not done yet with this.  

Tuesday April 18, 2023 | My boyfriend

So the title has nothing to do with the words down below this. It's just something that I thought up to get people to read this. 

So, anyone who pops up sporadically, they are considered a scammer? Yes, right. 

I dreamed last night someone else popped up and he was from my hometown. I did in fact have to listen to other people since people know what scammers are really capable of. The real scammers!

So running off with the first guy that asks you to marry him is the same thing just to get out of the house.  Yeah, my aunt Lisa did that number!  So does that make her naive and gullible when she was younger?  Yes, it does or did.  Yeah, but she finally wised up.  I'm sorry Aunt Lisa, but it is the same thing!  I would hate conversations that start out like that. I would be emotional.  I would rather someone tell me the truth than lie about it.  

So he just wanted me just because I was bigger and more heavier than her?  I am starting to understand this now. Just like all black men like heavier women than skinnier women. My cousin on my dad's side of the family married a black man and her older sister had a baby by a black man.    I am still big, just not as big as his preferences are. Then again, I'm not as skinny as Jason's preferences are. It seems that though I am never good enough for someone!!!  I like AJ more. Just don't tell Jennifer his wife about this. She would be upset with me and block me or worse. No I think she already blocked me. I'm not stupid. I know he asked her marry him and I am hoping for the best for just AJ.    If that is the case, then no one deserves me!   I want to talk more about this with him because Jason keeps feeding me lies about him. Of course, I will never believe Jason what he tells me about AJ.   

My problem is that I need to learn to let go.