Sunday May 14, 2023 | memories when I was 3

I was really struggling today. My sister was giving me a hard time about me speaking to google and not talking to other people. 

This is what triggered the memories I had of when I was 3 below this line. 

That is probably why I stopped talking to begin with when I was 3. Becky Young, (her last was young) picked me up at preschool and Amy I think was in the car.  I remember me sitting in the backseat of my mom's red thunderbird and Becky(young). I was so quiet and so shy I had noticed.  Not quite sure what was said but I was really anxious. 

Dam, little pieces of memories are coming out of me.  No, I mean I am remembering more stuff when I was 3. Well Karin triggered the last one. I couldn't tell her that because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. But she did trigger something. 

I need a picture of when I was 3 to put in this blog entry or to put in another blog entry. I think there is one in the storage building but not sure. People may think that i was a happy child but on the inside, I was so anxious. I was reck and really scared! Yeah well something scared me when I was 3 and I would remember it wrong or right?  Even though when I was three I knew what was going on around me. I was anxious but I knew what was going. 

Sunday May 14, 2023 | If you tend to overthink, what are you ruminating on?

I am usually ruminating on negative thoughts that people might say.  I go over and over in my head until I scream out loud at the top of my lungs. It just makes me upset that I overthink that.    An example would be a negative thought I thought years ago when I first met Jason that when I get older and he sees someone doing something that I thought that I wanted to do.  My negative thought would be that I think he would say,  "Gee, Pamela, that is what you wanted to do".   Guess what you're not doing.  Do you know what that was?  It was singing and acting.   

I even picture myself acting in a play or something and I am playing an individual living with selective mutism every time I am watching a youtube movie or tv show or even something on cable tv.    

Sunday May 14, 2023 | We talk about this now!

I know I am unmasking something but I have a pretty good idea what it is. You would need to have an open mind about this one.  It is pretty obvious that I could have ADHD. But is also hard to tell that I have its masking.   You don't have to talk a lot to have ADHD.   ADHD is a lot more than just talking a lot.   I believe that there is a comorbidity between selective mutism and ADHD.   I believe that there is a link between selective mutism and autism and I am on the spectrum.  nih.gov or selectivemutism.org sites.   That would explain why I was always struggling.  I know it's maybe confusing to see that selective mutism and ADHD have comorbidity between them since it sounds like they are the total opposite of one another.     

I know it says could.   But I meant to say COULD NOT tell or ask anything.   I always felt like I COULD NOT tell or ask anything because I felt like I always had to listen to Mom and Dad.