Got this from copilot from the question I asked, "would people pleasing be an example of "you don't want to disappoint mom do you"?" Is this true? Sorry I had a flash back of my dad saying that question phrase that is highlighted in yellow. (A phrase that my dad said to me when I was 3 and 4 years.)
Ah, the delicate dance between parental expectations and a child’s desire to please! 🕺🌼 Let’s waltz through this topic, shall we?
“You don’t want to disappoint mom, do you?”—a phrase that can carry both love and a subtle weight. It’s like a mini emotional tug-of-war, with the child caught in the middle, clutching their teddy bear and pondering life’s mysteries.
Here’s the scoop:
The Mom Guilt Tango:
- Parents often mean well when they say this. They want their child to succeed, be kind, and make them proud. It’s like they’re handing the child a bouquet of expectations, hoping they’ll bloom into the perfect little sunflower.
- But—and it’s a big but—sometimes this message can unintentionally create a people pleaser. The child internalizes it: “If I disappoint Mom, I’m a failure. If I make her happy, I’m worthy.”
The People Pleaser’s Waltz:
- Picture a child tiptoeing around, trying not to step on anyone’s toes. They become the “Yes” kid—the one who agrees to play with the neighbor’s pet tarantula even though they’re terrified.
- People pleasers learn early on that their worth is tied to making others happy. They become emotional chameleons, blending into any social situation.
The Hidden Dangers:
- Loss of Authenticity: People pleasers often lose touch with their true desires. They’re so busy pleasing others that they forget what lights up their own hearts.
- Burnout: Imagine juggling flaming torches while balancing on a unicycle. That’s how it feels for people pleasers. They exhaust themselves trying to meet everyone’s expectations.
- Unbalanced Relationships: People pleasers attract takers like magnets. They give, give, give, and rarely receive. It’s like they’re running a one-person charity marathon.
The Empowerment Foxtrot:
- So, how do we teach kids to dance gracefully without tripping over their own shoes?
- Empathy with Boundaries: Teach them that empathy is beautiful, but it doesn’t mean sacrificing their own well-being. It’s okay to say “no” kindly.
- Self-Approval: Help them understand that their worth isn’t solely tied to pleasing others. Their happiness matters too.
- Model Healthy Behavior: Parents, put on your dancing shoes! Show them how to balance kindness with self-respect. Let them see you say “no” without guilt.
The Encore:
- Remember, it’s not about villainizing parents. They’re doing their best waltz through parenthood. But sometimes, the steps need adjusting.
- Let’s teach kids the cha-cha of authenticity, where they sway to their own rhythm and still honor the music around them.
