My Blog

I have to get this the F over with and face my fears!  I want to find out if my SM is trauma-induced mutism?  I want to try something else.  Wait.....  is it trauma?  I know I was unable to talk to anyone in my family and outside of the house.  I know that I was afraid of my own father when I was say 3 to about 10.  But I think I was always afraid of him.  Someone that was really afraid of was Robert Young.  I may have walked into preschool at 2 or 3 years old and the first kid that teased or bullied me or I must have seen something that was really scary. Like that time on 11th street in Beaumont and Robert Young tried to push us kids out the door of Robert Young's car and I don't know if my sister was there with or not. My sister is 5 years older than me.  Anyway, there was a house there back in the late 70's. Maybe someone can back me up?  Did Robert Young do anything like that to anyone? Did he even try to scare his own kids?...

Even if I failed at living in an apartment one time, I could try again and do all the coping skills I have learned--like breathing exercises and showing the selective mutism card that I bought from a friend who made the SM card.  Now I can't even live in an apartment because I spend too much money and I can't sell the jewelry that I make.  I can't figure out why I can't sell it.  oh...  because if someone were to buy something and it somehow get into my bank account, OMG! I would be in so much trouble.   Even if I am unable to talk, I could try again.   Does that sound more positive?  Or is it negative?  

When I was three years old.  My grandmother told me about how I ran out to her car and said "I'll drive granmaw."  I was confident that I wanted to learn to drive. But when I turned 16, I couldn't learn to drive due to my SM. (severe anxiety disorder)   I'm not done with this blog yet.