My Blog

The most offensive thing that I heard my grandmother say before she passed away was the fu-word.  I didn't hear her say that word per say but my mom did hear her say that word. I was in the hallway and was really anxious.   My granmaw never ever cursed in front of me and my sister when we were younger, the two eldest of her grand-kids.  Now what I just realized was me and my sister were the two eldest granddaughters of our grandmother.  I never quite knew my grandpaw, he passed away right before I was born.  I heard all the stories about him.  He passed away in 1973 and I was born in 1974.  My mom told me that my aunt said that he was going up as I was coming down or something to that effect.  I wonder how old she was when she said that.  I did hear the funniest thing when my aunt was a young girl that she asked my dad if the toilet flushed when the lights went out. That was the funniest story that I heard about my aunt.  Another st...

I admire people for their determination and honesty. I wish I had a strong trait of my own. I tend to avoid confrontation, but I communicate best in writing. There are times when I need to speak up, and though it may take me a while, I do so when I’m comfortable. I might be slow to respond, but people will just have to accept that.

I have a sensitive nervous system, and I notice sudden muscle tension, my shoulders rising, heart rate increasing, and stomach tightening. I startle easily and feel sensations more intensely in crowded spaces, with certain lights, and from the emotional energy in a room—especially if it’s like yelling or loud noise. I often feel drained after social interactions, followed by freeze responses. My breathing changes quickly as my shoulders lift toward my ears, becoming loud or heavy. It bothers me when people assume my heavy breathing is due to my weight—it’s frustrating and untrue. Severe anxiety can cause heavy, loud breathing. Recovery time is important for a healthier nervous system, and I experience sensory overload along with “what if” thoughts. My recovery isn’t extremely long—about 30 to 90 minutes of breathing exercises helps me calm down after shopping with Jason or visiting big stores like H.E.B., Target, or Walmart. I would never fight the crowds on Black Friday after Thanksgi...

how to function with selective mutism financially? Short takeaway: Functioning financially with selective mutism is absolutely possible when you build your money system around written‑first communication, predictability, and low‑pressure decision‑making . The key is removing situations that require fast talking, on‑the‑spot decisions, or verbal negotiation. Below is a clear, freeze‑friendly structure you can use. 🧩 What makes financial functioning hard with selective mutism The real challenge isn’t “money skills.” It’s situations that require speech : Calling customer service Talking to bank staff Negotiating prices Asking questions in stores Handling unexpected fees Correcting billing mistakes Saying “no” to upsells Asking for help when confused So the solution is to remove speech from your financial system entirely . 🧱 A freeze‑friendly financial system (Built specifically for selective mutism + nervous‑system sensitivity) 1. Use written‑first banking This means choosing tools t...

It is important for me to live independently in my own apartment.  I will not abandon my parents.  I just want all of us out of this house now!  Between me and my readers, I have been itching to get out of this house since I was 25 years old.   How well do I function? I function best when writing things down in planning ahead of time.  I would say that it gives my nervous system a little clarity, no sudden decisions, and no pressure.   I function best when I am in a quiet environment with a lot of space--nothing but me, my recliner my phone or computer to stream meditations from youtube or insight timer.  YouTube and Insight Timer are my favorites to listen to meditations from.  Although insight timer costs I won't pay $59.99 for it.   Spending $150 a month on extras Spending $50 a week on groceries Rent? Water bill: Entergy bill: Internet? YouTube Premium: $15.99 A few people with selective mutism often do well with: written l...

Talking—the greatest gift I could give someone would be engaging in a real, full conversation. I’d feel accomplished, but also a bit sad for not realizing it sooner. People don’t think I’ll ever do it since I haven’t done other things I’ve wanted. How would I even get there? Will my family give me a ride? The look my sister gave me the other day was dead serious. Do I think she’ll let me live with her and her husband? No way! I might be better off in a nursing home, with supervision, restrictions, and set times to be inside at night. Now she’s thinking about putting me in one—or worse, a psych ward. I’ve never gotten to do what I wanted. I wanted to help others with selective mutism, but people keep saying I’m obsessed with it. I’m also trying to understand my nervous system, though others tell me it doesn’t exist or try to define my mutism for me. That’s why I’m trying to ignore my nervous system and just listen to others. My stress keeps climbing, and so will my A1C—probably an 8 nex...