My Blog

I used to think when I was three I wanted a house, cat and but now I don't know.  Since I am unable to live by myself, that is out of the question.  Then I wanted to be an actress after I was in that play.  That is out the question too since I brought it up again when I was 13.  People have told me you got to be able to speak to do that.  People have already told me that I am unable to speak.  

Yes, I have been attacked by an animal.  It was my sister's best friend's dog--but it was still an animal.  I believe that I was 5 years old, and around the same time I got my tonsils taken out.  And furthermore, there was something wrong with my nose and the doctor put a bandage on my nose.  I remember there was a bandage on my nose at 5 years old.  I am wondering if the dog bite would trigger selective mutism in me?   

I remember a time when my grandma and I were on our way to pick up my sister and aunt from school. I ran out of the house to her car, shouting, “I’ll drive, Granmaw!” She’s told me that story countless times. I wish I knew what happened to me when I developed selective mutism. I think I was speaking a little when I was 2 or 3 years old.   In June 1992, I was in a car accident. All I saw coming toward my dad’s van was a big yellow Penske moving truck. I tumbled inside the van and ended up the most injured, with a ruptured spleen. I still have nightmares about it to this day. I haven’t woken up screaming in a while, but I will tell you when it happens again. Could my waking up screaming be from that accident?  Could it be trauma related, or anxiety related or is it normal?

I once dreamed of becoming an actress, but I lacked both the resources and the accessibility to pursue it. Initially, I hoped acting might help me navigate my selective mutism, but I was constantly discouraged by others who insisted that verbal communication was a non-negotiable requirement for the craft. After hearing that so many times, I eventually gave up. It is difficult not to feel like some people simply aren't meant to pursue their ambitions.

The best part of being single is not having to share anything unless we actually feel like it.

I’m not going to spend it. I’ll just put it in the bank and save it until the next payday. Why? I’m not sure. I don’t have any money left, so why not just spend it and blow it all?