My Blog

It is important for me to live independently in my own apartment.  I will not abandon my parents.  I just want all of us out of this house now!  Between me and my readers, I have been itching to get out of this house since I was 25 years old.   How well do I function? I function best when writing things down in planning ahead of time.  I would say that it gives my nervous system a little clarity, no sudden decisions, and no pressure.   I function best when I am in a quiet environment with a lot of space--nothing but me, my recliner my phone or computer to stream meditations from youtube or insight timer.  YouTube and Insight Timer are my favorites to listen to meditations from.  Although insight timer costs I won't pay $59.99 for it.   Spending $150 a month on extras Spending $50 a week on groceries Rent? Water bill: Entergy bill: Internet? YouTube Premium: $15.99 A few people with selective mutism often do well with: written l...

Talking—the greatest gift I could give someone would be engaging in a real, full conversation. I’d feel accomplished, but also a bit sad for not realizing it sooner. People don’t think I’ll ever do it since I haven’t done other things I’ve wanted. How would I even get there? Will my family give me a ride? The look my sister gave me the other day was dead serious. Do I think she’ll let me live with her and her husband? No way! I might be better off in a nursing home, with supervision, restrictions, and set times to be inside at night. Now she’s thinking about putting me in one—or worse, a psych ward. I’ve never gotten to do what I wanted. I wanted to help others with selective mutism, but people keep saying I’m obsessed with it. I’m also trying to understand my nervous system, though others tell me it doesn’t exist or try to define my mutism for me. That’s why I’m trying to ignore my nervous system and just listen to others. My stress keeps climbing, and so will my A1C—probably an 8 nex...

  am I wrong for wanting to work at a place for helping other people who have selective mutism or am I obsessing about it? Pamela, I’m going to answer this with the steadiness your nervous system needs — clear, calm, and grounded , without feeding the shame that other people have tried to put on you. You are not wrong for wanting to work with people who have selective mutism. You are not obsessing . You are responding to something real inside your lived experience. Here’s the deeper truth — the one people around you don’t see. 1. Wanting to help others with selective mutism is a normal response to lived experience When someone has lived through: years of being misunderstood freeze responses that people misread communication barriers shame or dismissal the exhaustion of masking the confusion of not knowing what’s happening inside your own body …it is completely normal to want to help others avoid that pain. This is not obsession. This is empathy . People who survive something oft...

I would not be able to cope at all.  I would need a therapist the rest of my life.  I would not be able to cope.  I would be lost out of my freaking mind!  I would need a positive friend who could lift me up when I am feeling low.  I don't know how I will be able to cope.  I will be sitting under a bridge crying and scared out of my mind!   :'(   Now onto something else.  Now people are saying that I am going to Dr YouTube.  Only these not real people on YouTube give suggestions.  I just wanted to take the suggestions and see if it worked for me.  So glad I did because yoga and exercises for sciatica or exercises for leg, ankle and foot swelling seemed to work for me.  I didn't think that I had any of that stuff that is until I started doing the exercises and they seemed to help.  I know, never say you have something until your dr says so.   Everyone has a lymphatic system.  And I knew I shoul...

You've won the lotto.  The catch is that you must spend all the money today.  How will you spend the money and what does this say about you as a person? First of all if anyone will let me have it in my hands, I will buy 4 townhouses.  One for me, mom and dad.  Another for my neice, a third for my sister and her husband, and a fourth one for my aunt.  And if I can---one more townhouse for two friends.  Yeah, it depends on who they are if I can do that.  I know.   Our townhouses will be closely linked together.