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I found this messaging copilot. This tells me to ask other people to see if this is true because I don't trust myself where to get true information about selective mutism. So? This is coming from my body. This is this true? Is it how I was raised? And don't blame Jason! I did not even know Jason V back in the 80s. Well I did know a Jason but he was nicer than Jason V. Someone in jr. high ask me if I liked him (as in Brian) or Jason. Well Of course I thought Jason. But I was too shy to say. Selective mutism is not shyness, It is a freeze response anxiety disorder where our nervous system shuts down in certain situations. "what does it mean when I ignore what my body is saying and listen to other people who thinks that they know what my body is saying? When you ignore what your body is saying and defer to people who think they know better, it usually means one thing: 🌿 Your survival system is overriding your self‑trust. And that’s not a character flaw — it’s ...

I just need a silver lining to learn on.  I want to know what is quietly supporting me.  I don't know when I will be allowed to "find the silver lining".  I guess the moment I can stop spending so much money on frivolous things.  I know what it is.  It is that very expensive insurance that I can't get rid of.  It is like $800.000 dollars.  

I am learning that I have mild autism.  I took a test on PsychologyToday.com and one of the questions was the one I answered neutral on.  The second question was "I prefer to do things the same way every time".  The problems with that is I don't do things like people say to do things.  I do them my way.  The communication question was "I find it challenging to understand unspoken rules of social interactions".  But does this count?  I do find it challenging to understand people at all.  One other question was "People often tell me I am being rude when I'm not trying to be".  Now what does that mean?     I do have one thing to say.  I do find it challenging to see what social cues are.  I usually raise an eyebrow when people do things in the way of "social cues".   

It taught that I have survived several bullies in school through the 12 years I have went to school.  I have went through and survived a car accident.  Like I have said before, If I would have been in a room with that big fat bastard I would have beat the sh*t out of him!  That accident in summer of 1992 made me go off my medications.  I don't remember why anyway.  It was horrible!  It was like I didn't know anyone was in my hospital room.  I would like to think that Tegretol (the pink pills) made me concentrate and more aware of my surroundings.  But some days I wasn't aware of my surroundings at all.  The doctors only prescribed them because I was in school for 12 years and when we all moved back to Texas, (from living in Cali for 7 years)  I was eased off of them because of what happened back in summer of 92.  I never wanted to feel that way ever again.   Back to the accident in 92.  I was listening to either ugly ...

Lessons life has taught me is to speak at a very slow pace and deliberately.  Also, it taught me to not run in any hallway and treat people with respect.  I already do that and I will continue to do that.   Is there anything else that I forgot or I need to know?  

I got to get this out in the open. After hurricane Harvey when my parents were having that meeting with TJ and martin and penn. The whole time my mind and nervous system was saying danger ahead. Don't do it. These guys are very dangerous. But I had no business getting into the middle of that since it is not my house. I should have spoken up and said as a selectively mute that these guys are very dangerous and they will take your money and run. These guys are a scam! I knew that they were a scam even when they were having that meeting over at my sister's house--but I couldn't say anything as it was not my house to deal with and I was too scared to stand up for my safety and for the safety of everyone else. I know this sounds psychological, but this comes from my scared mind and nervous system thinking of the danger that was coming! My parents lost everything on the bottom floor of their house but the clothes on their back and a bag that we packed thinking that we w...