Thursday April 9, 2026 | Journal Prompt | Other people's feelings

I am careful not to hurt other people's feelings.  Sometimes I hurt people's feelings unintentionally.  When I am able to I will say I'm sorry.

One time in my early thirties I was watching my cousin James-- I think he was 3 at the time.  I became so anxious around my cousin James and shortly there after I became anxious around Tom (Lisa's ex-husband).  He was such an asshole.  Even more, Tom was an asshole to my aunt Lisa.  I thought I was going to have to kick Tom's ass!  Oh I would have kicked his ass!  I'm glad that Lisa kicked Tom to the curb!  I didn't know what anxiety was until I looked up "selective mutism" on wikipedia back in 2011 and do you know what my mom said.  She said, "you don't have that".  Yeah, don't believe everything you hear or read.  Well where am I supposed to read it?  I refused to believe that.  What I read on wikipedia.org is an official site.  

I was anxious around Lisa's kids and my sister's kids.  I don't know who's kids were worse--my sister's kids or aunt Lisa's kids.  I guess I can say that Lisa's kids were calmer that my sister's kids.  My sister's kids were wild as a march hair especially Matthew. Now Rebecca not so much.  Probably where they got it because I had heard from my granmaw that my sister was as "wild as a march hair".  Those were my grandmother's words.  

Bottom line is that those four little kids that they once were, had me really anxious! 

And I could say this over and over until I am blue in the face.  Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person who is normally able to speak is unable to speak in specific situations and to specific people.  It is when they are comfortable that they can speak! 

Thursday April 2, 2026 | Who had the biggest impact on your life and how? I don't know how

I would have to say that Jason and AJ and Melissa have had the biggest impact -- well regarding my selective mutism.  AJ is patient and waits for an answer while I have to work on Jason a little bit.  

I could say this over and over and over.  Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person who is normally able to speak, physically is unable to speak in specific social situations or to specific people.  It is when they are comfortable that they are able to speak.  

Wednesday April 1, 2026 | What have you learned today?

I have learned today that you don't have sciatica unless your doctor tells you otherwise.  I do also say what people want me to say.  I guess this is all normal?  I learned that just about everything is normal these days.  Well I did have the symptoms, but I guess it wasn't good enough.  I was also told that I don't eat right.  But that's okay.     

Monday March 30, 2026 | "Life is our greatest teacher". List the ways this is true for you.

I am not sure.  

Monday March 30, 2026 | Is there something you'd like to learn? How will you ensure this happens?

I would like to unlearn something I learned about anxiety and perimenopause and menopause.  Jason told me to just basically ignore symptoms of anxiety and perimenopause and menopause.  He basically said that I blame everything on anxiety.  I say, no one ever has to be in pain the rest of their life.  I don't know for sure that muscle pain is a symptom of anxiety and muscle pain is also a symptom of perimenopause and menopause.  

Friday March 27, 2026 | Journal Prompt | What brought you joy as a child and how can you incorporate those joyful moments into your day?

I remember this one time when I had these fisher-price little people when I was 2.  My sister and I 

were playing with them together on the floor of the house over on Broadmoor.  I was also playing 

with these weeble wobbles when I was about 9 or 10 years old.  I played with strawberry shortcake.

I once set up my binder from school to make it look like it is there house.  

I wouldn't want to incorporate that into my day.  Once or twice in my late 20's I walked down to the park about a mile down the road from my parents house, I walked down to the park and swung on the swings when they had swings.  Now they took every swing out and put in that stupid frisbee golf net thingys for a very stupid reason!  They were afraid that someone would get hurt on them.  People only get hurt on swings when they are not safe with them.  

Thursday March 26, 2026 | Faced with discrimination? No

I haven't been faced with discrimination.  I will never be able to take action because of my

severe anxiety.  I will never be able to step outside the door because of my severe anxiety disorder.

I am trying to make everyone around me happy.