My Blog

I am wondering if I went into early perimenopause at 38.  People kept irritating me over there at the apartment complex-seville apartments. People kept irritating me except this one lady who wanted to be friends with me it seemed like.  Anyway, people would not listen to me and my feelings.  Now that just frustrated me and made me angry.  It's almost like I went into perimenopause early.  The main reason I got angry mostly was because people never shut up long enough so I could speak.   Okay, most of the people that were over there at the apartment are probably diseased including that lady who told me wanted to kick Jordan my dog at the time.  Now that really pissed me off!  

My blood pressure was up kinda high today.  The only thing I did get done doing was exercising.  Exercise and strength training raises blood pressure a little bit.  If anything, does anxiety raise blood pressure?  

During the mri today, I had started saying my mantra, "Be calm. In the moment. Right now. Breathe."  It seemed to calm me down alot.  And after about 20 minutes, it was all over with.  That thing is loud.    I keep wanting to spread awareness, but no one wants to talk about selective mutism.  

Does high cortisol and high adrenaline raise blood pressure and blood sugar even when I am scared to eat anything because Jason will say something about my eating and that I have high blood sugar and prediabetes? 

I want to explain something about how I communicate. Sometimes when I’m processing a lot or feeling overwhelmed, I’m not able to speak right away. I’m still listening and thinking — I just need a little extra time before I respond. The best way to help me communicate clearly is to let me answer in writing when I need to. Written communication is calmer and more accurate for me, and it helps me stay steady and respectful. If I’m quiet, it’s not me ignoring anyone or being difficult. I’m simply taking time to organize my thoughts so I can respond in a clear and calm way. I appreciate patience, predictable conversations, and no pressure to talk immediately. When things stay calm and unhurried, I communicate much better. I had a little help from an AI writing this. This is the only thing I use AI for is for communication. It helps me a lot. I would totally recommend that people just like me who have selective mutism and autism use AI for communication purposes only.

Do you know if the older we get the more challenging it is to managing SM?  To be honest, It does feel a little challenging.   I was overthinking today as I was posting in a SM group on Facebook that I'm feeling a bit ugh.  I was overthinking that I can't afford to live anywhere else.  Then I hear that this section 8 or something to that degree.  And my mom still tells me that I can't afford an apartment.  I will just believe her and ignore what Jason tells me.  I'm trying to ignore Jason.