Tuesday March 24, 2026 | Going Viral | Selective mutism | 52-year-old

Here are the ideas what I want to write about.  

I lived over 50 years without knowing why my voice shutdown--and here is what I learned.

5 things people misunderstood about selective mutism in adults.

1) They think they know about selective mutism when clearly they do not.

2) They still do not understand anxiety attacks.

3) People tell me what selective mutism really is when clearly they do not have a clue what SM is.

4) They try to tell me what the definition of selective mutism is when clearly they do not know.

5) 

How I learned to speak up after decades of shutdowns?   Calm, Clear voice--that's your superpower!

Questions

This always happens. I do almost always have questions after I leave. I don't know why. I am just trying to gather the question.

Is muscle pain and symptom of an anxiety attack?  And I know that sciatica comes from being overweight, but can sciatica also be a symptom of anxiety?  I don't want to rule anything out.  

Monday March 23, 2026 | Journal Prompt | What are your hopes for the Future?

My future?  Well I would like to get an apartment with support, but I don't think that is happening.  I would like to be around other people who have selective mutism and autism but I don't think that is happening just yet.  Plus I don't know if people with selective mutism and autism would even like me.  Everyone just tells me that I just leave things out when I talk if I am able to talk.  

Monday March 23, 2026 | Panic Attack | Shortness of breath

I just had a panic attack.  Not sure what caused it though, but I breathed right through it.  

Sunday March 22, 2026 | Journaling Prompt | Journaling what is on my mind

When I watch NKOTB or Boston Blue a show that Donnie Wahlberg is on, also a member of NKOTB.  I also feel most content when I am journaling.  I have been journaling since September 2012 as that is when the anxiety attacks started happening.  It really started in July 2012.  You wanna know something else... People said I looked angry when really I think that it was anxiety attacks.  Anger can look like anxiety attacks.  I just had to go with what people said I had and that was anger until I had more information on selective mutism.  

Tell me if this is true.  I believe that we are responsible for our own happiness but when it comes to our safety, other people have to step up.  This is when a person was little or I mean when they were three and they were responsible for their own happiness and their parents had to step up when it came down to their safety.  

What would people say when I ask "who am I?"  I don't know who I am.  I have been told so many times by many people of who I am that I just don't know anymore.  No Jason did not tell me this.  I did not know Jason V back in the 80s.  Well I did know a Jason back in the 80s but it wasn't Jason V.   Who was he to me-- about Jason who had went to marshall middle school?  Well I would like to say that I was dating him but that is not right.  He was just a guy that I sat next to on the bus going home.  

Having selective mutism does make us more naive and gullible because we have to listen to other people as they talk.  People who have SM are not assertive at all.  People who have selective mutism, they are all different with different experiences.  People say that I am naive and gullible just because I listen to whatever they say and believe them.  Jason has me convinced that I am naive and gullible.  He told me not to take anything to heart what he says.  Tell me if this is true, Does anyone who has/ or had selective mutism believe anything what people tell them?  

How comfortable do you feel about expressing your needs to others?  

Not comfortable--and people tell me that I can't do anything for myself just because I am unable to speak.  No, people will laugh when I say what my needs are.  Then there is something called "immature" or "childish" that some people call me.  Is "childish" behaviors a symptom of autism?  I don't think Jason and his mother-Doni know what the h*ll they are talking about?  Jason's mother-Doni has ADHD and Jason is also ADHD.  That explains a lot!  

Written down below is personal boundaries.  Not sure if this is the right thing. When I get back from a store H E B is the most crowded.  I have to step to the side and reset my nervous system by finding a quiet space and do deep breathing or mindful movement has this meditation called yoga nidra.  Like today I laid back in my recliner and set a timer for at least 41 minutes as the meditation was about 41 minutes.  I listened until I fell asleep then my subconscious mind took over and listened.  I guess that is how the mind works.  I don't know, I'm not sure how the mind works.  

Saturday March 21, 2026 | This is what I found. In my experience with SM there has been a little yelling and I didn't like it at all. I guess I got anxious?

The most yelling I have ever heard was from Becky and Robert Young a family friend. Maybe they even yelled at me whenever they were watching me when my mom and dad were at work. They may have punished me or made me face a wall or something because I couldn't ask to use the bathroom and well there were accidents. My sister might have yelled at me a few times but that was my nervous system remembering that trauma? if that is the word I am looking for? Shut up I'm talking now. I just need to know if this is all true. These people may not remember any of this but my nervous system remembers and it's not letting me find my voice of some sort.

Below is what I found.

do kids develop selective mutism when their parents or siblings or even distant relatives yell at them?

Here’s the clearest, research‑grounded answer:

🌱 Short answer

Yes — chronic yelling, harsh criticism, or unpredictable anger in the home can contribute to the development of selective mutism in some children, but it is not the only cause and not always the cause. Selective mutism is fundamentally an anxiety disorder, and environments that feel unsafe, loud, or emotionally volatile can heighten a child’s nervous‑system reactivity and make speech shut down more likely.

🧠 What the research actually shows

Selective mutism develops from a combination of factors — not a single event or one “bad moment.” The most supported contributors include:

1. A highly sensitive or anxious nervous system

Children who later develop selective mutism often have:

• A strong freeze response

• High physiological reactivity to stress

• Difficulty returning to baseline after overwhelm

2. Temperament: behavioral inhibition

Kids who are naturally cautious, shy, or slow‑to‑warm are more vulnerable to anxiety disorders, including selective mutism.

3. Environmental stressors — including yelling

While yelling alone does not “cause” selective mutism, research and clinical guidance show that:

• Harsh, loud, or unpredictable environments increase anxiety, especially in sensitive children.

• Anxiety is the core driver of selective mutism.

• Children may learn that speaking leads to negative outcomes (being yelled at, corrected, or shamed), which reinforces silence.

4. Family history of anxiety

Selective mutism is more common in families with anxiety disorders.

5. Situational triggers

Selective mutism appears in specific environments where the child feels pressure or fear — often school, social settings, or around unfamiliar adults.

🔍 So where does yelling fit in?

Yelling doesn’t “create” selective mutism out of nowhere. But for a child who is:

• already sensitive

• already anxious

• already prone to freezing

…yelling can intensify the nervous‑system freeze response, making speech feel unsafe or impossible in certain environments.

Yelling can contribute by:

• Increasing anticipatory anxiety (“What if I say the wrong thing?”)

• Making the home feel unpredictable, which heightens vigilance

• Teaching the child that speaking may lead to negative consequences

• Reinforcing the freeze pattern that selective mutism is built on

This is especially true if yelling comes from:

• parents

• siblings

• caregivers

• or even extended family who are frequently around

🧩 Important nuance

Many children who grow up with yelling do not develop selective mutism. And many children with selective mutism come from calm, supportive homes.

Selective mutism is not caused by “bad parenting.” It is caused by anxiety, shaped by temperament, environment, and nervous‑system sensitivity.

🌼 If you’re asking because you’re trying to understand a child (or yourself)

I can help you map out:

• what patterns fit selective mutism

• what environments trigger the freeze

• how to support speech without pressure

• how to reduce anxiety‑based shutdowns

Just tell me what angle you want to explore next.

how to reduce anxiety‑based shutdowns

Pamela, this is right in your wheelhouse — anxiety‑based shutdowns are nervous‑system events, not “mindset failures,” and you can absolutely reduce how often they happen and how intense they feel. Let’s build something that works with your physiology, not against it.

Below is a clear, science‑backed framework you can use yourself and share with your community.

🌿 How to Reduce Anxiety‑Based Shutdowns

Shutdowns happen when the nervous system hits overwhelm + no escape + no capacity left. So the goal isn’t “don’t shut down” — it’s reduce the load, increase capacity, and interrupt the spiral early.

I’ll break this into three layers:

🧩 1. Reduce the Triggers That Push You Toward Shutdown

These are the things that drain your nervous system before you even realize it.

• Keep blood sugar steady

This is huge for you and other sensitive adults.

• Protein every 3–4 hours

• Pair carbs with fat/protein

• Hydrate regularly

Stable blood sugar = fewer cortisol spikes = fewer shutdowns.

• Reduce sensory overload

Your system is exquisitely sensitive.

• Soft lighting

• Noise‑dampening (earplugs, noise‑canceling headphones)

• Limit chaotic environments or shorten exposure

• Predictability

Your nervous system thrives on knowing what’s coming.

• Routines

• Prep before transitions

• Written plans instead of verbal pressure

🌬️ 2. Interrupt the Shutdown Before It Fully Hits

Shutdowns have early warning signs — and you’re already mapping yours. Here’s a 30‑second interrupt routine that works even when speech is gone.

🌬️ Step 1: Long exhale

Inhale 4 Exhale 6–8 Repeat 3–5 times This signals “not in danger.”

🧊 Step 2: Sensory anchor

Pick one:

• Hold something cold

• Press feet into the floor

• Touch a textured object

• Look around and name 5 neutral items in your mind

This pulls you out of the freeze spiral.

🧍 Step 3: Micro‑movement

Shutdown thrives on stillness. Movement breaks the freeze.

• Stand up

• Roll shoulders

• Stretch hands

• Walk 10 steps

This is tiny but powerful.

🛡️ 3. Build a Nervous‑System “Safety Net”

This is where you prevent shutdowns long‑term.

• Reduce pressure to respond

You already know this: delayed communication is a strength, not avoidance.

• Use written communication when speech collapses

A pre‑typed note on your phone like:

“I’m in a freeze. I need a moment.”

• Create safety cues

Your system responds beautifully to predictable signals. Examples:

• A calming scent

• A grounding object

• A phrase like “I’m safe enough right now”

• A warm drink

• Lower overall cortisol

Daily habits that help:

• 5–10 minutes of gentle movement

• Warm showers

• Magnesium‑rich foods

• Morning light exposure

• Reducing caffeine during high‑stress periods

Tuesday March 17, 2026 | Really?! Everything popping up?

Why does everything have to pop up like it did when I was 5 years old?  Well it feels like it. I remember it just like this.  I was diagnosed with selective mutism then that dam dog TJ bit me on the nose (i still have the scar on my nose from the dog and I still think about that dam incident) and then something was wrong with my nose and I had to wear a bandage on my nose of some sort.  Then there was an accident back in 1992, (still triggers me to this day) and now this house is coming up with issues with the plumbing leaking.  Like I said in yesterday's blog (March 16 2026) I had a scary thought that my floor was going to collapse and my parents are under my bedroom.  I try to walk as gently as I can up here but there is still noise.  And at the same time as this house is crumpling down basically as mom put it around our ears, I have very severe sciatic pain.  The pain is in my left low-back and then on the right leg, it is going down my right leg and sometimes into my feet.  Do you think it is from a 16 1/2 old saggy mattress?  My hips are dipping into the mattress when I lay down on it.  Thankfully, copilot did my math for me to tell me how old my mattress really is.  I bought my mattress back in December 2009 when I first moved into my first apartment at seville apartments.  

This is why it is important for me to be around other people who have selective mutism and autism.  I believe that my selective mutism overlaps with autism.  I do have just a smidge of undiagnosed autism. That is high-functioning autism.  I have been hovered over?  What is the word I am looking for please?  

Sometimes I do think that my dad has ADHD.  So if a parent has ADHD does it mean that a child has autism?