My Blog

This is what I found from Copilot. I will not believe this until a doctor or mental health professional actually confirms it. If this true, I need and want to get the heck out of dodge! The problem is that I don't have enough money to dodge this house! And because my nervous system works differently, It may be creating more intense anxiety symptoms on top of selective mutism. Selective mutism is a severe anxiety disorder where a person who is normally able to speak, is unable to speak in specific situations or to specific people. I will say this over and over and over until people get it through their thick skulls! I do want to speak. Also I need someone to shut up if they don't understand a severe anxiety disorder--selective mutism. Really all this is my fault for moving into this house. I should not have agreed to move in this house since I have an already existing anxiety disorder called selective mutism for 40+ years and a sensitive nervous system. If I could, I...

 Have you ever been betrayed ?  How did this experience effect your future decision making ? I don't ever have to worry about making a decision because other people will do that for me.  It's kind of nice not having to make a decision.   I really want to learn to make decisions.  To make decisions regarding this house, I am unable to do.  I have never had a house or apartment of my own.  Well I had an apartment for three years but it felt like my parents apartment more than it was mine.  My mom kept making all the rules and boundaries while I was living there.  She kept saying don't let Jason move in with you.  I kept thinking why not?  Then I lost that apartment and all the privileges that come with it.  If I knew what I did, then I would avoid doing that again to get kicked out.  The thing I know for sure is that some old pervert tried to take advantage of me.  I would have handled my own laundry and my gran...

🧊 Boundaries for People Who Push, Rush, or Don’t Understand Freeze These are firmer, for people who bulldoze your limits. “When I freeze, I cannot speak. Pressuring me makes it worse.” “If you push me during a freeze, I will step away completely.” “I need space when I’m overwhelmed. That’s not optional.” “I won’t stay in conversations where my nervous system is ignored.” These protect you from people who treat your freeze like a choice. I need to step away for a moment and reset my nervous system. I am unable to talk right now. Please let me reset.  

Not comfortable.  And people would tell me that I can't do anything for myself just because I am unable to speak.  No thank you.  People will laugh at me and tell me that it is unsafe to do that and that will make me even more uncomfortable.  Then there is something called "immature" or "childish" behaviors that Jason and his mother Doni seems to think that I have. ugh!  They can't seem to explain themselves about what childish behaviors that I seem to do.  One of them is and this is a big one, "I am going to hurt you".  But that is only about Jason!  I swear.  I would kick his butt and put his butt in the hospital!  Are "childish" behaviors a symptom of autism ?  

When I spoke and read something aloud to my English teacher in the 9th grade.  I had struggled to speak at school from preschool to I'm guessing about the 12th grade.  Kids have bullied me from kindergarten up until I graduated from high school.  They have called me names and said that I did things that seemed like it was off the wall stuff like going all the way on the first date.  Really?  I would never do that even if I didn't have selective mutism.  So Jennifer got Robin to act as my bodyguard.  That is what I all I knew.   I can say this over and over and over, I may have selective mutism but I am certainly not stupid!  

I never really got to experience any life stages other than my first period, living on my own for 3 years.  Until they found out that I was sexually active with Jason when I was in my 30's.  That is what Jason seems to think.  And I believe him?  The short answer is no.  The current life stage is perimenopause.  People say that there are no symptoms of menopause other than hot flashes and night sweats and a woman losing her period.  I guess people have decided that I didn't have any problems with perimenopause.  But because peri and menopause is so personal, people just don't want to talk about it to anyone because it is embarrassing to talk about.  Right?