My Blog

Does high cortisol and high adrenaline raise blood pressure and blood sugar even when I am scared to eat anything because Jason will say something about my eating and that I have high blood sugar and prediabetes? 

I want to explain something about how I communicate. Sometimes when I’m processing a lot or feeling overwhelmed, I’m not able to speak right away. I’m still listening and thinking — I just need a little extra time before I respond. The best way to help me communicate clearly is to let me answer in writing when I need to. Written communication is calmer and more accurate for me, and it helps me stay steady and respectful. If I’m quiet, it’s not me ignoring anyone or being difficult. I’m simply taking time to organize my thoughts so I can respond in a clear and calm way. I appreciate patience, predictable conversations, and no pressure to talk immediately. When things stay calm and unhurried, I communicate much better. I had a little help from an AI writing this. This is the only thing I use AI for is for communication. It helps me a lot. I would totally recommend that people just like me who have selective mutism and autism use AI for communication purposes only.

Do you know if the older we get the more challenging it is to managing SM?  To be honest, It does feel a little challenging.   I was overthinking today as I was posting in a SM group on Facebook that I'm feeling a bit ugh.  I was overthinking that I can't afford to live anywhere else.  Then I hear that this section 8 or something to that degree.  And my mom still tells me that I can't afford an apartment.  I will just believe her and ignore what Jason tells me.  I'm trying to ignore Jason.  

I am just checking my Google/YouTube account too see if I can post on this blog on my phone. Yes, it looks like it. 

What specific steps or thoughts helped you navigate that moment?   What strengths or coping strategies did you discover about yourself then that you can lean on right now? I was at my grandmother's house and I was 3 years old.  I am not sure if this can count as being overwhelmed but I know what I said to myself.  I told myself to live in the moment and right now.   Not sure how many years ago that was but in short at age 52 now, I thought of the "live in the moment" and "right now" statement and came up with this at 52.   Be Calm. In the moment. Right now. Breathe. I guess it taught me patience and calm but somewhere along the way I lost that calm and patience.  From who?  I am not sure.  I would like to say it was Jason but that is not right because I didn't know Jason back then.  

Right now my mind feel like I am unable to process my thoughts due to SM.  I am just unable to form words and spit them out.   It is that freeze response that is the problem.  If I would have gotten the shit beat out of me, I think I would have been afraid to talk because that would only make the freeze response even harder to control.  Right?   Below is what it feels like.  It just feels like I'm unable to form words to spit it out of my mouth.  And that is what the butterfly tapping does.  It just feels like to me that it doesn't make my chest not so heavy.  I feel stupid doing a butterfly tapping on my chest out in public.  I do the butterfly tapping while in meditation though.  If I didn't feel like people would look at me all weird, I would do the butterfly tapping anywhere.    The throat tightens at the same time Freeze often hits the throat and chest together. Sensations: throat feels closed or stuck ...