My Blog

Right now my mind feel like I am unable to process my thoughts due to SM.  I am just unable to form words and spit them out.   It is that freeze response that is the problem.  If I would have gotten the shit beat out of me, I think I would have been afraid to talk because that would only make the freeze response even harder to control.  Right?   Below is what it feels like.  It just feels like I'm unable to form words to spit it out of my mouth.  And that is what the butterfly tapping does.  It just feels like to me that it doesn't make my chest not so heavy.  I feel stupid doing a butterfly tapping on my chest out in public.  I do the butterfly tapping while in meditation though.  If I didn't feel like people would look at me all weird, I would do the butterfly tapping anywhere.    The throat tightens at the same time Freeze often hits the throat and chest together. Sensations: throat feels closed or stuck ...

I would like to overcome my anxiety limitation.  Why would I want to overcome it?  Maybe it's better to have severe anxiety.  I will always be safe and protected.   Well, on Tuesday, September 1, I was triggered by that storm.  My dad got it in his head that we were going to flood again.  My parents were flooded out of the bottom floor and they lost everything but the clothes on their back and the bag that they packed to go over to my sister's house. There was about 8 foot of water in the house and my cat KatieJordan was trapped upstairs, and after the flood water went down, she brought all the neighborhood cats up there.  KatieJordan ran off over the rainbow bridge back in October 2019.   Now, if we were flooded out again, I would have tried to say, "Get your butt up here this instant!"  We would have all been yelling out the upstairs window for a rescue boat.  But luckily, there wasn't a flood.  And don't get me started ...

The most offensive thing that I heard my grandmother say before she passed away was the fu-word.  I didn't hear her say that word per say but my mom did hear her say that word. I was in the hallway and was really anxious.   My granmaw never ever cursed in front of me and my sister when we were younger, the two eldest of her grand-kids.  Now what I just realized was me and my sister were the two eldest granddaughters of our grandmother.  I never quite knew my grandpaw, he passed away right before I was born.  I heard all the stories about him.  He passed away in 1973 and I was born in 1974.  My mom told me that my aunt said that he was going up as I was coming down or something to that effect.  I wonder how old she was when she said that.  I did hear the funniest thing when my aunt was a young girl that she asked my dad if the toilet flushed when the lights went out. That was the funniest story that I heard about my aunt.  Another st...

I admire people for their determination and honesty. I wish I had a strong trait of my own. I tend to avoid confrontation, but I communicate best in writing. There are times when I need to speak up, and though it may take me a while, I do so when I’m comfortable. I might be slow to respond, but people will just have to accept that.

I have a sensitive nervous system, and I notice sudden muscle tension, my shoulders rising, heart rate increasing, and stomach tightening. I startle easily and feel sensations more intensely in crowded spaces, with certain lights, and from the emotional energy in a room—especially if it’s like yelling or loud noise. I often feel drained after social interactions, followed by freeze responses. My breathing changes quickly as my shoulders lift toward my ears, becoming loud or heavy. It bothers me when people assume my heavy breathing is due to my weight—it’s frustrating and untrue. Severe anxiety can cause heavy, loud breathing. Recovery time is important for a healthier nervous system, and I experience sensory overload along with “what if” thoughts. My recovery isn’t extremely long—about 30 to 90 minutes of breathing exercises helps me calm down after shopping with Jason or visiting big stores like H.E.B., Target, or Walmart. I would never fight the crowds on Black Friday after Thanksgi...

how to function with selective mutism financially? Short takeaway: Functioning financially with selective mutism is absolutely possible when you build your money system around written‑first communication, predictability, and low‑pressure decision‑making . The key is removing situations that require fast talking, on‑the‑spot decisions, or verbal negotiation. Below is a clear, freeze‑friendly structure you can use. 🧩 What makes financial functioning hard with selective mutism The real challenge isn’t “money skills.” It’s situations that require speech : Calling customer service Talking to bank staff Negotiating prices Asking questions in stores Handling unexpected fees Correcting billing mistakes Saying “no” to upsells Asking for help when confused So the solution is to remove speech from your financial system entirely . 🧱 A freeze‑friendly financial system (Built specifically for selective mutism + nervous‑system sensitivity) 1. Use written‑first banking This means choosing tools t...