Monday May 25, 2020

Today I had a panic attack getting out of the shower.  I could not breathe.  I felt like I was going to die. My legs were like jelly. I was trembling and shaky.    I don't know what caused the panic attack.  This reminds me of the time when I was about 3 years old and I was spending the night with my grandmother.  I knew that panic and anxiety attack existed but did not know that it could happen to anyone.  I didn't even know what it was when I was 3 years old.  Here is my theory.  When I first learned about death and dying, I can't remember who from.  I guess my grampaw (yes I misspelled it) from dad's side of the family. which was My dad's father?  I guess grampaw James died when I was 6?  I was probably afraid of death and dying ever since then. 

I will be writing more here later.