I was feeling anxious earlier but not quite sure why? I am having anxiety ever dam day and not quite sure why. That quote is not working, You know the "Don't worry today about tomorrow" quote. I keep reading that quote and still worrying about my future. Where will I end up in 5 or 10 years? I don't want to end up living with my sister! That will be sheer hell! And living with Selective Mutism is sheer hell! Maybe I am supposed to be living with Selective Mutism and having anxiety every day? And not working. Making jewelry and not being able to sell them because I don't know how. I will lose my social security check if I even try to make money on the side! I can't even sell a couple of old reborns that I had. Well they don't work for me. I mean I can't bond. No, that's not it... I mean they don't work for my anxiety anymore. The other day I mindfully noticed that my mom is shrinking and I appeared taller than her. I about cried. :'( What is going to happen to me? I want to succeed so bad!!! But I do not know how! :'( I'm about to give up! :'(
Today, I did the mindfulness meditation of 5 things I can see. I only saw a squirrel run up a tree. Well he was running pretty fast. It was probably one of those squirrels that was in the attic awhile back. No, that squirrel is dead because he was caught. I will try another mindfulness meditation of 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear, 3 things I (what is number 3?), 2 things I can taste, and 1 thing I can touch. Ugh! I think I screwed that all up! :'(
