Tuesday November 23, 2020 | Anxiety Everyday

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I was feeling anxious earlier but not quite sure why?  I am having anxiety ever dam day and not quite sure why.  That quote is not working, You know the "Don't worry today about tomorrow" quote.  I keep reading that quote and still worrying about my future.  Where will I end up in 5 or 10 years?  I don't want to end up living with my sister!  That will be sheer hell!  And living with Selective Mutism is sheer hell!  Maybe I am supposed to be living with Selective Mutism and having anxiety every day?  And not working.  Making jewelry and not being able to sell them because I don't know how.  I will lose my social security check if I even try to make money on the side!  I can't even sell a couple of old reborns that I had.  Well they don't work for me. I mean I can't bond. No, that's not it... I mean they don't work for my anxiety anymore.    The other day I mindfully noticed that my mom is shrinking and I appeared taller than her.  I about cried.  :'(   What is going to happen to me?  I want to succeed so bad!!!  But I do not know how! :'(  I'm about to give up!  :'(     


Today, I did the mindfulness meditation of 5 things I can see. I only saw a squirrel run up a tree.  Well he was running pretty fast.  It was probably one of those squirrels that was in the attic awhile back.  No, that squirrel is dead because he was caught.  I will try another mindfulness meditation of 5 things I can see, 4 things I can hear, 3 things I (what is number 3?), 2 things I can taste, and 1 thing I can touch.  Ugh! I think I screwed that all up!   :'(  

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