Friday October 24, 2025 | write about a time when you felt misunderstood. what would you have liked to express?

First off.  No one really knew how to speak to someone who has selective mutism.  I wanted to express myself in positive ways without anger.  Anger was the only way I knew how, but in negative ways.  How do we learn to express anger, and where do we learn it from?  No, it was not Jason! I did not know Jason back in the 80s.  Well, I knew a Jason, and he went to a different jr high school than I went to.  When one of my classmates called me on the phone when I was in jr high, his name was Brian.  He asked me Do you love me or Jason.  Well course I said Jason in my head.  No matter how hard I tried, the answer would not come out of my mouth.  It was stuck in my throat, almost like a lump.  This is why I suspect I have mild autism.  The first time I really suspected--- it was back in 2016 when I read a book called Selective Mutism Resource Manual.  I think there is a connection between selective mutism and autism.  See? It's one letter off from mutism, but that is beside the point.  

I was bullied in elementary school.  I felt misunderstood in Junior high.  I couldn't do the work because I didn't understand how to do the work.  I think I said that wrong.  

Is that it, or am I leaving something out?  

Friday October 24, 2025 | What is on my mind?

My problem is that I listen to other people who tell lies about whom I talk to.  Those people think that the people I talk to are scammers and want to scam me and take advantage of me.  So I just listen to the ones that I live with because I will be living with them the rest of my life.  I will never be able to afford an apartment or even a house.   That is just how life has to be.  I can't get angry about it because I will have a stroke or a heart attack.  I believe that getting angry causes a stroke or heart attack or both.  I try to stay calm and let other people get angry for me.    They can't get angry either, but other people are not as overweight as I am.  I try to meditate, but someone calls meditation "bullshit".  Meditation keeps me calm.  There are two apps I go to for meditation.  They are Insight Timer and "The Mindful Movement" on YouTube.  I pay for YouTube Premium because it is really hard to get out of meditation just to click skip ad and then get right back to meditation. I look for meditation teachers who are certified and I look for fitness trainers who are certified. How do you know that they are certified just by looking at them? Well I it only takes about a year of watching their videos I think. After that I block if I think that they are not good enough or not certified. But all people have different opinions about them and I have to listen to everyone's opinion about everything.     I do play meditation music for my dog, too.  Beaumont Animal Care said she was a Chihuahua mix, but I don't think she is even a Chihuahua.  I think she is more of a Fox Terrier than a Chihuahua.  

Back up there, the people I talk to.  If I thought they scammed or manipulated or took advantage of me, I would block their a**!  But my caregivers just wanted to be sure they don't take advantage of me. So they protect me by telling me to block them and never talk to those people ever again.  

People who live with me are trying to teach me how to clean stuff the right way. There is a right way and a wrong way of doing stuff--like there is a right way and a wrong way of loading the dishwasher. I don't mind unloading the dishwasher but I absolutely hate loading the dishwasher.   People say that I am doing things the wrong way.