Thursday, June 18, 2020 --- I don't know where to start. I guess to start with last night's dream. I dreamed about my mom. But she was sitting in the corner with a blanket between her legs. But in the same dream, I had found size 8 jeans in my closet. In my dream, I decided to save those pairs of jeans in my closet until I lose weight I had gained in 2014 taking anxiety medication or mood stabilizers (did i spell that right) when doctors in the hospital I was at for a week to find the right one.
Second, I am also feeling anxious that I can't speak. How am I going to prove to my relatives I can care for myself. I am also feeling anxious just sitting here talking about this. I want a job but now I'm afraid of this coronavirus and my inability to speak in front of people. I have trouble starting conversations. Which is another sign of autism? I just want to check and if I don't have it will leave it alone. And if I do have autism then what? Baylor College of Medicine is the place to check is what I think what the last doctor said. The next time I go there is in August. The Coronavirus should be done until in the fall. I read the title of an article that popped up on my computer screen this morning. I did not read the article itself. And I was planning on getting more of those legging I liked that are really comfortable. I got them at Walmart for I would say $12.97.
Most of my anxiousness, (i think i made up a word) comes from my Selective Mutism and then on top of that it also from that dam (yes, i misspelled it) coronavirus.
Okay. Jason treats me bad as he doesn't know how to treat them. I don't know how to treat difficult people. I guess he likes negative attention as that is all he ever had was negative attention. I feel so sorry for him. I don't even know how real people are supposed to act.
Everything went wrong this year. Last year on New Year's Eve I had a gallstone attack. Long story short.... I was doubled up in pain and had to go to the ER. I was at the ER almost the whole night. I almost had to ring in the New Year in the ER. I had to go on the B.R.A.T diet starting on New Year's Day. That's what I get for eating chocolate and drinking cokes. Now I try to drink water every time I have a panic/anxiety attack.
