Anxious part 2 :'(

Thursday, June 18, 2020 ---  I don't know where to start.  I guess to start with last night's dream.  I dreamed about my mom.  But she was sitting in the corner with a blanket between her legs. But in the same dream, I had found size 8 jeans in my closet.  In my dream, I decided to save those pairs of jeans in my closet until I lose weight I had gained in 2014 taking anxiety medication or mood stabilizers (did i spell that right) when doctors in the hospital I was at for a week to find the right one.

Second, I am also feeling anxious that I can't speak.  How am I going to prove to my relatives I can care for myself.  I am also feeling anxious just sitting here talking about this. I want a job but now I'm afraid of this coronavirus and my inability to speak in front of people.  I have trouble starting conversations.  Which is another sign of autism?  I just want to check and if I don't have it will leave it alone. And if I do have autism then what?  Baylor College of Medicine is the place to check is what I think what the last doctor said.  The next time I go there is in August.  The Coronavirus should be done until in the fall. I read the title of an article that popped up on my computer screen this morning.  I did not read the article itself.  And I was planning on getting more of those legging  I liked that are really comfortable. I got them at Walmart for I would say $12.97.  

Most of my anxiousness, (i think i made up a word)  comes from my Selective Mutism and then on top of that it also from that dam (yes, i misspelled it) coronavirus.  

Okay.  Jason treats me bad as he doesn't know how to treat them. I don't know how to treat difficult people.   I guess he likes negative attention as that is all he ever had was negative attention.  I feel so sorry for him.  I don't even know how real people are supposed to act. 

Everything went wrong this year.  Last year on New Year's Eve I had a gallstone attack. Long story short....  I was doubled up in pain and had to go to the ER.  I was at the ER almost the whole night.  I almost had to ring in the New Year in the ER.  I had to go on the B.R.A.T diet starting on New Year's Day.  That's what I get for eating chocolate and drinking cokes.   Now I try to drink water every time I have a panic/anxiety attack.