Saturday November 1, 2025 | What are your strengths and weaknesses?

Saturday November 1, 2025 | When do I feel most like myself—what am I doing, and who am I with?

This is makes me more able to articulate.  I feel like I am more able to be myself with Jason but lately

Jason has been telling me that I am rude and doing all these things that are considered "rude noises".  You know the tics I do?  The one that sounds like me sucking snot, or the one that sounds like a fart and something else that I can't describe or put into words but it bugs the shit out of Jason.  I honestly can't help it.  The two people that I can be myself is AJ and Melissa. But I saw something about AJ and Melissa a few years ago. I can't remember the whole article but I remember pieces of it.  It was something about their daughter was locked in a closet while AJ was watching her.  I never told anyone else until I blogged about it today.  I swear.  

Saturday November 1, 2025 | triple whammy: selective mutism, muscle pain, in perimenopause

I have a triple whammy. I have selective mutism, muscle pain and in perimenopause. 

I think I know how I got selective mutism. My sister Karin and my aunt Lisa said when I was two or 3 that if I say this I will get it for you. You are never supposed to do that to anyone. Plus at 4 or 5 the dog TJ- my sister's friend Donna's dog knocked me down and bit me on the nose.  I still have the scar on my nose from the dog bite.  Then at 5 I got my tonsils taken out. So from the "point to this and we'll get it for you" that my sister Karin and Aunt Lisa did and the dog bite and the accident in summer of 1992 could have added to that anxiety.  No wonder I remember everything when I was like 2 and 3 years old.  I remember the good stuff too.  It was mostly about my granmaw.  I think my granmaw understood me more than anyone.  There was one time my granmaw told me about when I was three.  I ran out to her car and said, "I'll drive granmaw!"  That was before Karin and Lisa had done all the damage.  No, I don't blame them.  I blame myself for letting them say and do that to me.  I am interested in how Karin and Lisa treated me when I was 2 and 3 years old.  Actually I could have just spoke up but no one knew or understood what I was saying because I was 2 and 3 and couldn't say things properly.  And let me just say something about the dog bite.  Karin opened the gate and I could have made that decision not to go in the gate where the dog was.  She was keeping an eye on me.  Oh I remember that mom said one time, "keep an eye on your sister".  But that is all I know.  All I know is that she said that.  

Here is how I have a great attitude about this whole "point to this and we'll get it for you", selective mutism diagnosis at 4 and 5 years old.  The dog bite at 5 years old and then the accident in summer of 1992.  This all happened roughly at the same time.  My family just didn't notice that selective mutism was present until I was about 5 years old when the kindergarten teacher said something about it.  Yes, I did have a little kindergarten crush on Paul Beaumont.  Oh I thought that he was so cute.  Then when I was in the hospital for my selective mutism, there was another boy I liked when I was about 9 or 10 years old.  His name was Mike.  When I was in the hospital, I was just having fun chasing boys all over that children's unit.