Tuesday December 8, 2020 | My three sides

Back before there was Internet way back in the 80's when I was 10 to about 12, I thought that I had a personality disorder.  I was not too young to know what it was and that it is a real disorder.  I don't know why I thought that.  I guess because I had many thoughts in my head and then I would talk to myself in other voices.  The voice that I spoke to my parents and my sister in was a high-pitched or whisper and then when I was alone I would speak in a "normal voice".   Now today's world there is a voice that I speak to people on the internet in and then there is a "normal voice" that I speak to myself in which it is always negative and then there is a "voice" that I speak to relatives in which is a whisper or high-pitched sound.  I guess the whisper, or high pitched voice is my "anxious voice".  The comfortable voice is the voice that I spend the most time with myself being alone.  My words sound better when I am alone. As soon as I say my thoughts around people, that is when I get into the most trouble or embarrassment.  :'(   It really embarrasses me.  People will tell me what I'm thinking and when I finally say.  They either tell me "I don't have any thoughts in my head" or "they say I am stupid for thinking that" or they say, "just don't say that around other people"