My Blog

Not sure if this can be an anxiety attack.  But this might be a stupid thing to have an attack over?  Me going over and over in my head where I will be in a few years.  I would like to try living in an apart again but with my dad having anxiety attacks, (if they are anxiety attacks) and covering the bedroom window with pieces of cardboard thinking that someone will see them both.  Then again, he is 80 years old.  I think I'm going cry.  :'(   This is what I think.  I don't know if anyone else thinks this about me or not but what I think is that I think it is very important that I live independently.  I know that I have been told that it is rough out there. I have been told by numerous people that it is rough out there.  You know who you are if you remember what you said to me.  If not then, don't worry about it.  It is not your fault if I keep worrying about this until I get sick and nauseated.  That is a horrible fee...

Okay I gonna go indward. I have a question.  Can anxiety sometimes feel like you are not hungry? I just realized something. When I was over there in the apartments at Seville, I became really anxious every time my grandmother wanted me to do her laundry for her.  I did her laundry but I was really, really anxious because of the other elderly people over there, and I was in my mid-30s.  

This is not a good thing or a bad thing.  I'm reading this book, and a lot of things are coming up for me, and most of it is mostly psychological.   This is all in bits and pieces---and the order I read the book.  So I jotted some things down as I was reading, as I had remembered it.   My childhood best friend said some things about me then that had me questioning myself.  She said that I was eating candy one afternoon as we were playing a ping pong table game.  She said, " You are pigging out on candy".  One time she even said a fat joke.  Kind of a lame fat joke. Well that was because I didn't understand fat joke or even jokes in general.  I didn't even catch it until moments later.  "You ate too many pickles".   She said something along the line of  "If your leg was see-through, then you could fit three pickles inside that leg."  Or words to that effect.   I did not even catch that joke.  R...

Do you think full body pain can be due to an old mattress bought in 2009?  I don't know how old that is.  I have terrible pain in my left hip.  My mom thinks it is due to my exercises.  I tend to disagree with her.  I think it is due to my mattress.  Who is right me or my my mom?  I also have tension in my neck and shoulders.  Exercising really?  I do exercise a lot. I love to exercise but I don't think my full body pain is due to my exercising!!!  Then again, my mom said it was my weight too and that I needed to lose weight first and then see if I needed a new mattress.  Probably not since I am losing weight really slowly.  But my low back hurts, my left hip really hurts to the point that I can barely walk.  So maybe it is my exercising?  I will not stop exercising.  Why do people go straight to the source and think it's my exercising and they tell me to stop and rest?  Why are mattresses a psychological th...

Okay, it was July 4th and when we first got to my sister's house, and I saw her shoes.  I wanted to say something about them. I wanted to say that I thought her shoes were cute and where did you get them?  What were on them? I think that they were cats?  But anyways, that selective mutism beat me up and wiped me out today!  

The feeling that "everything is a hassle" is a common experience. However, it's often more about how challenges are perceived and addressed than an objective truth. This feeling likely reflects being overwhelmed, stressed, or having difficulty managing various aspects of life.   Here are potential reasons for feeling overwhelmed: Chronic Stress or Burnout:  Constant high stress levels can impair the ability to handle tasks, making them feel overwhelming. Mental Health Conditions:  Conditions like depression, anxiety, or ADHD can affect executive function and lead to feelings of overwhelm. Too Many Responsibilities or Life Changes:  A heavy workload, major life transitions, or difficult relationships can contribute to feeling swamped. Perfectionism:  Striving for unrealistic standards can make even small tasks seem daunting and lead to feelings of inadequacy. Difficulty Saying No or Setting Boundaries:  Overcommitting or feeling unable to decline reques...

For starters, I noticed there is a lot of tension in my shoulders.  That is either normal for people to have tension in there shoulders or it is because of anxiety and or stress.  Thank god that my pain in my hip or butt region went away after I had lost just a little bit of weight.  So thankful for that!  That is what tylenol is for but I don't really like to take tylenol unless the pain becomes unbareable.   Besides peppermint essential oil works best for muscle pain too.  Your body can become used to pain medicine like tylenol and it won't work anymore.  No one ever had to tell me that.  I just knew.   There was something I thought about after I got out of meditation.  Something about auditory processing difficulties. It was about when I was 2 and 3 years old.  But I forgot what it was.  It will come to me after a guided meditation.  dam should have wrote it down.  Oh that reminds me that yesterday I was ...