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Journal Prompts I feel powerless when ____________________ If I could go back and whisper something to myself as a little one, it would be ___________ What feelings am I escaping or avoiding by focusing so much on others? I wish I would have said _________________ I wish I felt confident enough to ________________ What would my life look like without my symptoms? ______________ makes my blood boil I feel so________ I need_________ I really want to forgive ____________ I release _____________ I no longer need/want to _______________ I daren't even admit this to myself, but ___________ I wish I could change ________________ I hate _____________________ The secrets about me that nobody knows are _________________ I don't even like admitting this to myself but ___________________ I feel angry, but underneath that feeling I can also feel _________________ They made me believe that _________________________ I still believe that I have to ______________ (eg: in order to be loved / acc...

What I wish people who knew about my experience with selective mutism is that I wish they knew how I really felt from age 4 to about my current experience.  I wish that people knew what the selective mutism triggers were.  Hell, I don't even know.  All people know is that they think it is food or the weather that is making me anxious.  Or blaming the fact that I haven't eaten is why my stomach is upset.  I honestly don't think that was the reason why my stomach was upset at all.  I believe that my stomach was upset was because of an anxiety attack.  Why? I don't know the cause.  No, it was not because of Jason!!!   I will finish this later...

The feeling that I keep holding onto is the feeling that I will get into trouble with mom and dad if I do something stupid.  Just like I did when I was younger.  This is not only because of my selective mutism.  It is because that when I was younger, I wasn't allowed to do things because it could hurt me.  Now I see why it could hurt me.  When you have selective mutism, people could take advantage of someone like me and get me to do a lot of things that I could get in trouble with the law with.  I am not into that.  I wonder why they couldn't just signed me up when I first asked back when I was 13 that I wanted to be a actress?  But it's too late now that I'm 51.  I wanted to try it when I was 13, just to see if I could overcome SM.  Mom and dad didn't think that nothing was wrong with me.  Mom told Jason that nothing was wrong with me until she forgot she said that.  And she didn't want to have to deal with the school or actin...

Journal prompts to get to know yourself include  reflecting on your experiences, emotions, and values .   Reflect on your experiences   How has a recent accomplishment made you feel more self-worth?     I haven't had many accomplishments but I had some.   What have you learned from a challenging situation?   Well the time I was in my own apartment and I got kicked out by my mother because well Jason tells me one thing and no one person doesn't tell me anything.  So I don't know what happened. Jason tells me that I ran down the hall screaming and one time he thought he saw me going out into the hallway with my shirt off.  I can swear to you that I didn't take off my shirt!   What was I like when I was younger?   I was quiet, shy and tried to keep to myself.  When I started preschool, I was pretty quiet and shy.  Then I started kindergarten.  I saw this little red headed kid named Paul Beaumont....

Hello March!  Nice to see you again this year.  But let's get into this panic attack. I don't want to repeat what I said in yesterday's blog. I'll just say this it was about an anxious thought I had written about in February 28th blog, the panic attack I had on Thursday night into Friday morning. Let's see... I had nausea, hard to breathe. I didn't think to do breathing exercises. Well I tried. I will say this: I have gained focus and concentration from meditation. But Thursday afternoon I could not concentrate at all. I had a headache and nausea and I couldn't focus at all. 

What I am most grateful for is having a journal to write my anxious thoughts in.  (If they even are anxious thoughts?)  And most of all grateful for having a pretty journaling pen to write with.  The thing I am uncertain about is what is an example of an anxious thought?  I googled it and it said and I know what neurotypical people will say.  "It's just an anxious thought, get over it".  :'(   This is what my mind kept thinking and I had a panic attack about it.  I have stupid panic attacks about stupid idiotic stuff! Not about about other people would think.  I would appreciate it if someone wouldn't judge this anxious thought.   " If a person dies in a house with two pet dogs and they get hungry,  the dogs would likely begin to search for food, potentially trying to access the person's food or looking for other sources of sustenance around the house , as they wouldn't understand that their owner is deceased and unable to...