Monday March 3, 2025 | What is one feeling you're currently holding onto, and why?

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The feeling that I keep holding onto is the feeling that I will get into trouble with mom and dad if I do something stupid.  Just like I did when I was younger.  This is not only because of my selective mutism.  It is because that when I was younger, I wasn't allowed to do things because it could hurt me.  Now I see why it could hurt me.  When you have selective mutism, people could take advantage of someone like me and get me to do a lot of things that I could get in trouble with the law with.  I am not into that.  I wonder why they couldn't just signed me up when I first asked back when I was 13 that I wanted to be a actress?  But it's too late now that I'm 51.  I wanted to try it when I was 13, just to see if I could overcome SM.  Mom and dad didn't think that nothing was wrong with me.  Mom told Jason that nothing was wrong with me until she forgot she said that.  And she didn't want to have to deal with the school or acting because she knew she would have to deal with them.  I didn't know how and people would take advantage me because I have SM.  And another thing, Mom when didn't think I had anxiety when clearly SELECTIVE MUTISM IS AN ANXIETY DISORDER!  Unless I have selective mutism without the anxiety if that is what she was talking about back in 2012?   But what is selective mutism without anxiety?  I have been trying to figure that one out since she left my apartment that day that she said "you don't have that" as she was talking about selective mutism without anxiety.  


I have more to say......................

I do believe that I have is high-functioning autism which that is maybe after watching videos or reading articles that microsoft edge 'reads aloud'.  I have auditory processing which back in the 80s it was called auditory processing problems.  So I put two and two together and was APD.  Unless I am wrong all the time and I don't have it and I just have auditory processing problems?  Then again? what is that?  





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