My Blog

Let's start with yesterday.  I was fine until my blood sugar results came in and I thought I was going to die!  The depression right then at about 6pm was a 10.  The anxiety was also about a 10.   The whole thing was my own fault when I starved myself in my 20s trying to stay at a healthy weight of around 139.  Then when I got into the apartment, I figured out I could cook for myself.  I became overweight.  Then I got bigger and bigger.  I would like to think it was perimenopausal weight in my late 30s but I was too young then.  When I was 40 maybe.  But then again maybe I was 46 when I got to perimenopause.  I don't know, It didn't hit me until now.  

Monday, February 10, 2025 | 125/77

I believe that when a person has a severe anxiety disorder like selective mutism, I think that they are more likely to get high blood sugar but I don't think that they would get diabetes persay. It is a severe anxiety disorder.  Does this make any sense to you?  Okay, I'm not sure I said that right.  

My doctor just told me that I was pre-diabetic.  I exercise like mad for 120 minutes doing aerobic exercise and I am still pre. My diet is terrible. I eat sugar, and carbs. What do I do? 

What was a turning point in my life? Well I probably won't have a turning point for another 10 years unless I already had one and didn't know it. It was probably the time mom made the decision for me to move back home which is what I did not want to do. I think the best thing for all of us was to send me to a hospital as I knew that my medication was going haywire on me and no one believed me. Mom just didn't want any change to my medications. Duh! If it would have make it better then it would have been the best decision was to send me to a hospital .  No one believed me so they just ignored it and went on.

Weight went down 0.2.  I always thought if I go to the bathroom I always lose weight. Yes I am losing weight but I still have high blood sugar until I go back the doctor in August with the fasting labs a week before. My doctor doesn't know that I love love love to exercise to boost my mental health. If people would care more about their mental health everything else would fall into place!!!  Just make yourself a priority and soon all of your numbers will come down again. Then doing maintenance and keeping all the numbers down. High blood pressure and high blood sugar and etc.   I believe that journaling for weight loss helps to lose weight. Even Pahla B on YouTube says that. She is the journaling for weight loss expert. I tried journaling for weight loss and sure enough it does work! 

I knew this when I was 5 and no one had to tell me this. So is this really true? But because I have selective mutism, my learning challenging and people think that I am stupid. It is that communication thing that people think that I'm stupid. I know the highlighted and BIG LETTERS SOUNDS unreasonable, I just want to get across to people that I am anxious all the time! Do I have to start cursing for you people to hear me? I will. I know that BIG MOTHER OF ALL CURSE WORDS. I bet no one knew that did they? Actually, I got it from those kids at the hospital in Galveston when I was in the hospital back in 1984. So I knew about that word when I was about 9 or 10 years old. Actually when I was 4 years old I felt like I didn't belong because I was trying to tell myself how or where I got my selective mutism and I felt that way for a long time. Maybe my dad has ADHD? Perhaps my parents have ADHD and it somehow turns into autism in children? High-functioning Autism. I th...