My Blog

What is the feeling of being overwhelmed?  I have never been overwhelmed before.  Then I thought about it and it's an overload of thoughts and feelings. Yes, I have been overwhelmed before.  People would think that I have never been overwhelmed before because they don't want to talk about mental health as it is a private thing.  No one wants to talk about anything related to mental health because it would trigger people I know that.  It would trigger me.  Everthing triggers me to an extent.  All the time I have thoughts that are completely submerged in my head no way for it to get out there because it doesn't good word of mouth.  Sometimes it does sound good on paper but not always.  Sometimes I wonder if people with autism struggle with getting their words that come out of their mouth that sound okay?   No one wants to talk about mental health because it is such a personal thing just like periods and perimenopause and menopause....

The only childhood room I truly remember was the house on Broadmoor Street.  First off, I had two built in beds in my room. My grandmother came stay with us and she slept in the other bed in my room.  Then I had a little wooden rocking chair.  I had a walk in closet but I really didn't care for it.  It was too dark and scary.  I know I had a light but judging from the height that I was, I couldn't really reach it back then.  I had a window in my room.  The curtains were some kind of sesame street character on it--bert and ernie I think.  There was one time that I became so frightened of the dark that I had to go across the hall to the other end of the house to sleep in my sister's room.  It was still pitch black in there.  It scared the shit out of me.  I even had a little red teddy bear in a wooden rocking chair to protect me.  That is what I thought that rocking chair and that red teddy bear was for was to protect me.  I...

Journaling prompts for healing selective mutism could include:  describing situations where speaking is difficult, exploring the emotions tied to silence, identifying triggers, practicing self-compassion, visualizing positive speaking experiences, writing letters to your "speaking self," and reflecting on small progress made towards communication ;  always remember to approach these prompts with gentle self-awareness and focus on what feels safe to share.   General prompts: 1. What does silence feel like to you? Silence feels like to me isolation and loneliness.   2. Describe a recent situation where you felt unable to speak, and what emotions were present? angry because I wanted to speak but physically couldn't. 3. What are your biggest fears about speaking in certain situations? People judging me, laughing at what I say.  Just like what other kids did to me back in the 80's.   4. How do you feel when others try to encourage you to talk when you'...

Guided journaling prompts Write about a negative belief you have that you know is false. The time that Robert Young tried to drop us kids plus his own kids off at a vacant lot that was scary. Well at least for me it was scary. I was 3 to about 5 years old at the time. I know that it was on 11th street.  All I remember was that it was a vacant lot on the corner of 11th street and a donut shop was right across the street.  I don't know if Becky Young was in the car or not.  Another time Becky Young borrowed mom's car which was a thunderbird at the time and she picked me up from preschool for a couple.  Maybe Becky Young's car was being worked on in the shop.   Write about if and when you've downplayed your traumatic experiences. ? Write about one thing you wish your loved one understood about you. I wish that when I was 5, I wish that I could have had selective mutism treatment to overcome it a lot.   Write about the ways trauma has impacted your be...

I just had a wonderful dream last night about Joe McIntyre. I dreamed he saw me naked-- every square inch of me. Then we ended up sneaking upstairs in my living area and we. It's like I felt like I was still in junior high school and my mother catches me in bed with a guy and I would get get in trouble. I never did that ever. So I never got to feel of that.  Oh Joe McIntyre touched me everywhere on me and it felt so good!!!  Oh the feeling like I am going to get into trouble is my selective mutism where I do something and then get in trouble for doing that thing. Example would be going out with a guy alone. That is where the most feeling like I am getting in trouble comes from?  I just figure out how to cope with it and deal with it since I can't have nothing that can happen like what happened in my dream last night happened. It's just going to have to be that way until I get halfway through menopause then I know I won't be uh.... fertility and have accidents with me um...

Exploring Emotions: What emotions do you experience when you are asked to speak in front of others? I want to say defeated but that is not it.  See?  I have a problem with feeling emotions.  If someone can say an example then the rest will come to me. How do you feel when you successfully speak in a challenging situation? Very successfully driven if those are the words I am looking for. Or very successful!   Do you ever feel judged or criticized for not speaking? YES!  I feel very judged!  And defeated? If that is the word I am looking for.   Self-Compassion: Write a letter to yourself acknowledging the challenges you face with selective mutism. I am facing the challenges of speaking when people walk up when I am in a store. Now. If I had a reborn in my arms and if no one rescues me like they have done. Then I could talk about the reborn I am holding.  Maybe? What are your strengths and coping mechanisms that help you manage your anxiety...

Exploring feelings and experiences: How does it feel when you are unable to express yourself verbally in a situation where you want to? In a word?  Uncomfortable. (i think) Do you ever feel like others judge you for not speaking? YES!!!!  Describe a time when you felt proud of yourself for attempting to communicate verbally, even if it was difficult. I will try.  I felt it was incredibly difficult.   What are some positive aspects of your communication style, even if you don't always speak verbally? Just so you know that it would be just as easy to just say what positive aspects are in my communication style.  Actually I don't know what that means.  I'm about to look it up now.  I'll type one below.  Okay. I don't know which one is more me.  I think I am more passive aggressive.  I don't know. People just guess what I am.   What are the 4 types of communication styles? Four types of communication styles include  passi...