Monday January 20, 2025 | wonderful dream

-
I just had a wonderful dream last night about Joe McIntyre. I dreamed he saw me naked-- every square inch of me. Then we ended up sneaking upstairs in my living area and we. It's like I felt like I was still in junior high school and my mother catches me in bed with a guy and I would get get in trouble. I never did that ever. So I never got to feel of that. 
Oh Joe McIntyre touched me everywhere on me and it felt so good!!! 
Oh the feeling like I am going to get into trouble is my selective mutism where I do something and then get in trouble for doing that thing. Example would be going out with a guy alone. That is where the most feeling like I am getting in trouble comes from?  I just figure out how to cope with it and deal with it since I can't have nothing that can happen like what happened in my dream last night happened. It's just going to have to be that way until I get halfway through menopause then I know I won't be uh.... fertility and have accidents with me um...getting bigger and I don't mean just obese. I meant the other kind of fat where a woman gets fat only in their belly. Now that is subtle psychology! 😜 I was always taught that it was bad to get pregnant before marriage. But then I was taught that married life was a bad thing or doing things before marriage was a bad thing. So what their parents say their daughter's can't get married and they do those things and sneak around have their boyfriends spend the night with them, and their parents find out about it and they pull them out of their apartments and drag them back home and make them stay until they behave themselves.  What I tried to do was keep it to me and Jason but I thought that the apartment manager knew and the manager was going to tell my mom what happened like me being a little kid in kindergarten on the first day of school.  Ugh!  Believe it or not I was at that time, was 38.  I was old enough to sleep with my boyfriend and not get pregnant.  I can take care of myself well appropriate ways.  Something like that.  I am now 51.  If I don't know how to act in public by now then I can go to the mall for 4 or 5 hours and people watch and see how they act. I could just watch the people who look like they are intelligent.  Do I even know how to do that?  Now I am asking myself my capabilities.  
So being 51 I am finally coming to terms of living with Mom and Dad for the rest of my life or their life. I don't know where I'll be after that.  But I do know that no one will let me live with anyone else but with my sister or in a nursing home because of my selective mutism. My sister did teach me one thing.  That you don't tell mom and dad everything.  There are certain things that you tell mom and dad and sneaking around with your boyfriend is not one of them!   Just because I have selective mutism, doesn't mean they could bully me into staying anywhere!  It's not fair!  Everyone else who was selective mutism has their own apartment and can get married with whom they feel is right. 

Every so often I would dream about getting an apartment myself.  Some of the time the dreams would be clear and other times the dream would be a little bit fuzzy.  

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sunday August 25, 2024 | My dream on Saturday night August 24 | Hypnosis for selective mutism

-
I had a dream that I was in the hospital in Galveston Texas like the one I was in when I was 10 years old.  Working on getting rid of SM through hypnosis.  Is there a good hynosis therapist in Beaumont Texas who specializes in selective mutism?   I am determined to overcome selective mutism now or at least most of the way.  Some idiot told me that I won't be able to overcome SM entirely.  Ugh!  Or will I be able to overcome SM entirely?  
Read more

Wednesday August 28, 2024 | Do parent's say this to their kids who have a disability? (the highlighted words in this blog)

-
Got this from copilot from the question I asked, " would people pleasing be an example of "you don't want to disappoint mom do you"? "   Is this true?   Sorry I had a flash back of my dad saying that question phrase that is highlighted in yellow.    (A phrase that my dad said to me when I was 3 and 4 years.)  Ah, the delicate dance between parental expectations and a child’s desire to please! 🕺🌼 Let’s waltz through this topic, shall we? “You don’t want to disappoint mom, do you?” —a phrase that can carry both love and a subtle weight. It’s like a mini emotional tug-of-war, with the child caught in the middle, clutching their teddy bear and pondering life’s mysteries.   Here’s the scoop: The Mom Guilt Tango : Parents often mean well when they say this. They want their child to succeed, be kind, and make them proud. It’s like they’re handing the child a bouquet of expectations, hoping they’ll bloom into the perfect little sunflower....
Read more

Friday February 7, 2025 | Anxiety Disorders and Diabetes

-
I knew this when I was 5 and no one had to tell me this. So is this really true? But because I have selective mutism, my learning challenging and people think that I am stupid. It is that communication thing that people think that I'm stupid. I know the highlighted and BIG LETTERS SOUNDS unreasonable, I just want to get across to people that I am anxious all the time! Do I have to start cursing for you people to hear me? I will. I know that BIG MOTHER OF ALL CURSE WORDS. I bet no one knew that did they? Actually, I got it from those kids at the hospital in Galveston when I was in the hospital back in 1984. So I knew about that word when I was about 9 or 10 years old. Actually when I was 4 years old I felt like I didn't belong because I was trying to tell myself how or where I got my selective mutism and I felt that way for a long time. Maybe my dad has ADHD? Perhaps my parents have ADHD and it somehow turns into autism in children? High-functioning Autism. I th...
Read more