My Blog

The dream I had last night was awesome.  I dreamed that I overcame selective mutism.  My family was hearing me chatting away!   The second part of my dream was when I dreamed about Manuel.  My ex-boyfriend in California.  I would have loved to see a "what if" just to see where it would go but somehow Manuel's mom did not like me at all.  I think it was just because I have selective mutism.  I know how to explain it now if he ever wants to talk to me again.  Just to get this all out in the open.....  I loved the shit out of him!  I loved him because he was so positive and sweet.  If he would have given me half a chance, I would have figured out how to explain selective mutism eventually.  In the dream, all me and Manuel did was kiss and mess around and stuff like that. I loved Manuel more than I loved AJ.  Sorry AJ.  AJ is positive and sweet too but I got to touch Manuel!   I want to say this one more ti...

If you could have a billboard somewhere with a quote of yours, what would it be? I doubt people would let me to this but my quote would be "I may have selective mutism but I am certainly not stupid"!  

Today, (monday september 23) I woke up with neck and shoulders tension.  Now I am trying to find a meditation or stretch for those areas.  I still love my cardio though.  I will be doing a meditation for neck and shoulders in a lying down position.   A few minutes ago while I was on the toilet, I thought about something that I thought when I was like 12 or 13.  I still kept thinking that thought when I was 14 and 15 years old.  I finally stopped thinking that when I was 16.    It was kind of weird but funny.  I thought my boobs were going to fall off either when I'm in the shower or I would lose them down the toilet.  I realized that when I was 16 that they weren't going to fall off.  They better not fall off.  LOL!   That was a horrible thought when I was 12.  No, they won't ever fall off unless I get breast cancer or something.  Hopefully, that will not ever happen.  How would you prevent breast ...

Today on the way to my sister's house, I was making myself crazy thinking about my life that when mom and dad um... Are not here anymore. I became in a depressed state but tried to hide it outside of me.  It is really hard for me to explain why I look like that.  But as we were leaving, I saw my dad walking from the back of the car when Rebecca was putting his walker in the trunk of the car. My dad was walking and was almost in tears.   Earlier today on September 21, I was in meditation and I had a panic attack and almost cried. Instead, I went back to listen to the guided meditation and followed her voice. I was fine after that.  When I got out of meditation, I couldn't stop moving my feet and my legs until I got up from my chair. So I figured I was just sitting there for 20 minutes or so and I ignored it.  Sunday September 22,2024 7:31AM |  I am just afraid that my SM would kick in and I would go into a terrible depression. I would have to get a serv...

This is the worst! This sucks!!!  And don't you dare tell me it isn't that bad.  I can't stand up for myself and people have to speak for you.  I'm about to start cursing!  Almost!  I got this worksheet from 15Worsheets.com.  

The title was something that I thought of that when I think of the color yellow I think of it being the mood booster.  And yes it was my favorite color back when I was 2 years old to about 5 years old.  I could have liked yellow when I was 6 years old to about 10 years old, but 2 to about 5 years old was my earliest memory of that color as my favorite.   Last night I had a dream about my jr high school teacher.  I dreamed that I was learning sign language to help others who also has problems with speaking.  Like I said, what helps other people also helps me. Well something like that.  

No wonder I can control it.  This is not even related to Tardive Diskinesia.  It is not even related to being a habit! ahhhhh stupid people!    I have a question.  Is Lip-farting an autistic stim?  This is probably a verbal stim?  I have heard Jason make a humming sound whenever he was doing something.  I just let it go because I though it was a bad habit.  Just like I thought that the lip-farting was a bad habit.  Maybe, perhaps it could be um.... autistic stim? Maybe?  If it is, why is this popping up now?  Wouldn't I be diagnosed with autism in childhood? Unless my childhood doctor missed it?  I was diagnosed with SM when I was 4 but I believe that I had SM when I was two and three years old--when I was in preschool.  Why? Because I physically couldn't speak when I was two and three years old.  It started when I was in preschool when I physically could not speak to teachers and my peers.  Then it eventual...