My Blog

This all come from me.  I heard this from no where!  It is all from my experience.  When I was three, I didn't like to get dirty.  I never liked to be touched.  I am also asking that as a question.  When I was a younger, I used to love to spin around in circles.  I remember when I was 8, I had a sit and spin that my mom swore she would keep me and my sister away from Toys R Us. Why?  I don't know.  Anyway, I loved to spin around in circles on that thing.   I am sorry but I am remembering stuff when I was younger.  But I definately need conformation to say for sure that it is true.  If I did those things that would explain a lot maybe not in detail, but it would explain things a lot better.   When I was younger and I  would try to speak to people, I would move myself back from people (yes, even family)  That was only because I was terrified, Yes even to family members which was why I stopped talking....

I just realized that my hand and foot tapping is I believe is Tardive Diskenesia. I would need to make a note or give this entire blog post to my doctor in Houston.   Well tongue, hand and foot tapping stopped.  I haven't noticed during meditation and yoga that I was doing that.  Now I'm doing something that is kind of annoying but doesn't really bother me as much as the tongue did.  I think it is lip-smacking. Ugh!   The only time that that I have noticed that I don't do that thing is when I do yoga and meditation.  That is when I am really calm.  I force myself to listen and pay attention to the meditation teacher's voice.   Anytime during the day I focus my attention back to my breath and breathe in and out through my nose or do the 4, 6, 7 meditation.  So it's almost like I have to meditate constantly.  

Night Terrors again but this time I heard a loud balloon pop. I screamed to wake myself up.  Then all of a sudden it was morning. Thank god it was morning!  These night terrors scare the sh*t out of me!  

I have something to say that may be something to think about or talk about with Dr Isern. (however you spell his name)  I seem to think that Oxcarbasepine is not strong enough. It is like my body is used to the medication.  I have found myself in the boat I was in 2014.  But I have mental health issues.  I am partially crazy in stressful situations.  I tend to self-harm in stressful situations.  Do I self-harm in stressful situations?   Biting, hitting , scratching , cutting, burning, and head banging are all forms of self-harm.  The ones highlighted green are the one that I did.   May I please get another mood stabilizer?  I am already taking the maxium dose of oxcarbasepine.  What is something a little bit stronger and why am I talking about this when I have a severe problem with my mental health.  Of course, I have probably hit the menopause stage by now.  See? this is what I mean when I heard from "anxietycentre....

  Well. How do you sit with an emotion and except it and hope that the feeling will pass?  This is something I need to do for myself.  There are just some things that we need to do for ourselves--like sitting with our emotions until we accept them and not push them away?  and remember that this is only temporary and hope that this feeling passes.  

Well I am just looking to move out of this neighborhood.  I need to stop looking for an excuse to move and just do some work around this house! But all I want to do is do Journal prompts all day. That will be interesting, writing about New Kids on the Block for every minute of every day. Ugh!  Just like people said I was writing about New Kids on the Block in the past back in the 80's.   I would love to get an apartment and mom and dad could get an apartment right next to me or where ever I could get an apartment and mom and dad could be on the first floor.  Since my knees are fine. My knees are not hurting. I would be on the 2nd or 3rd floor and mom and dad would be on the first floor of the same apartment building but they don't want to make things a bit easier.  Fine then don't!  I was just trying to make things a bit easier and just do their laundry and take out their trash and clean their apartment and they wouldn't have to lift a finger.  Bu...