My Blog

I have a question about this.  Every so often something or someone says something and it triggers me and I had to remember the accident. I remember the accident and all I remember is what either the cop or the paramedics said, "if I had been wearing a seat belt, I could have died."  Then the whole thing replays itself in my mind over and over and over again.  Is that called PTSD?  I can't get that guy who hit us out of my head no matter how many times I meditate or do breathing exercises.  My mom just says that I have to forget that butthole that hit us.  It just keeps replaying in my head.  That is probably why I am waking up screaming.  Let's see when was the last time I had woke myself screaming?  It was earlier this month.  The last time was when I was talking about Sophie in my sleep and telling her not to get that box because I didn't want her tearing it up.  Plus Jason made the mistake of talking about my accident back in 199...

I think that it is too late to become something.  But if I could, I am hoping to become someone who or I mean that I can sit here all day and fantasize about it but I can't do a dam thing about it because people say I can't talk.  There is just too many things I want and too many things that I want to do I can't even imagine where to start.  I have been sitting here waiting on things to happen.  I guess I will still be waiting for things to happen because my mom keeps telling me that people or businesses are a scam or scammers.  I guess my mom is saying that for my protection.   I used to fantasize about being a singer and actress and being in a movie or play.  People would tell me that was make-believe and it was not real.  They are not real people in those movies or plays. This is why life sucks!  

REM sleep? I was in REM sleep when I was punching, kicking, screaming and talking. Yes I asked google mini. REM sleep scares the shit out of me! Well Jason told me that I screamed Sophie don't get that box. Because I recognized the box that was flying around.   I guess I was in deep sleep and in REM sleep.  Man, that scared the shit out of me!  Yes I realized that that mentioned that it scares the shit out of me. I meant to.  I had set up my Google nest hub to track my sleep. It can track.  REM sleep, Deep sleep, and of course sounds like coughing and snoring. UGH!  Yeah, Google told me I coughed twice during my sleep.  How does Google nest hub know this?  I really don't know.  So far I had maybe a week of restless nights. One time Google told me I was in a deep sleep for 3 minutes. 3 minutes. LOL

Someone is really being hard-headed and not in their right frame of mind. I just told him I have auditory processing difficulties and selective mutism the two official diagnosis. Selective mutism diagnosis since I was 5 and I think the auditory processing difficulities diagnosis since I believen when I was 15 because I was in high school I think. Then I told him that I have undiagnosed autism and ADHD. Which I believe that there maybe some truth to that. It is just hard to see it in a selective mutism individual. I really believe that. I also told him that I am very high maintenance. UGH! Oh my God! Of course I love a man in a uniform. Examples would be a policeman, fireman and guys in the army but that is besides the point. hehe LOL! This is kind of fun but kinda freaky. In other words, I am messing with his mind. I don't mean any harm. I would not hurt a fly, well a fly maybe.  I would not hurt a butterfly, or dragonfly or any animal.  I know this looks bad---but I j...

I don't know what to think because people have always done my thinking for me a lot of the times in the past and now it's hard for me to talk now.  I listen to other people and then listen to Devon.  Let's see what was the question I asked myself.   Oh!  

A guy from the army texted me on Whatsapp and he started telling me all about himself.  Sure I like the attention but maybe it's time that I learn the difference in scammers and not scammers.  Maybe I need to buy a book to be able to learn the difference.   I hate that people have to lie and say that they are in the army just to get a romance going.  I want to look for the good in people but how can I when there are so many scammers out there that say the same thing over, and over and over and over and over again!  If one more pops up like that I will not believe a damn word he says to me!!! 

There is a Chihuahua puppy that I want.  She has all her shots and is a registered puppy. (i don't know what registered means) She is trained and potty trained.  Problem is my mom says there is too many dogs already. By the time this puppy is an adult dog, when I do get to move it probably could be in an apartment along with Nicki Rose.   There is already two cats--Lucky-Love and Happy (babygirl).  Lucky-Love has just a little big of anxiety and well Happy doesn't like to be picked up. Sometimes Happy(babygirl) will allow me to pick her up.  I grab her and say "gotcha!"  OMG!  Happy (babygirl) is so cute!  Yeah, Happy is the cat that I attracted through the law of attraction.   I will attract a cute little full-bred Chihuahua through the law of attraction.  Well it may not be before my 50th birthday but I will attract a full-bred Chihuahua after my 50th birthday!