My Blog

It seems like I want to do everything that costs money.  Then again there is something that doesn't cost a lot of money to do.   I need to say something. Okay. Judge by the way this month's topic in weight watchers is. Getting up intentionally. Well, I'm out on that because I am always getting up out of my seat and moving around a little bit. I meant sometimes when people are trying to speak to me or say important things to me and they don't always know that I am paying attention.  I guess I Well... I guess I do sit for short periods of time.  I know that when I am in some place where I need to be sitting like weight watchers or elsewhere.  I try to sit still.  Then I fidgeted around with stuff.  Once or twice I caught myself tapping my feet on the floor.  I had to tell myself to stop and be still.    When I remember stuff right then I want to say in my journal, I would write it down before I forget it. If I forget it, then it would...

It seems like I struggle with selective mutism or anything else is when I am on either before the period or during my period.   It seems like I have the most panic attacks when I am on my period. But have had a panic attack when it wasn't that time of month also.  If periods are bad, I wonder how menopause is going to be?  I heard people who have anxiety disorders, are 10 times worse with menopause being bad.   Well I have a new friend. His first name

I think my little thing of reading affirmations or positive quotes on Pinterest is finally paying off.  But I'm attracting something else and my parents are going to think "gullible and naive".  no, we are just friends.  if he wants to do anything more he will have to make the first move. But sometimes the first move with a guy always appears to be asking for money?  yeah.  As I said, I am incompetent with low self-esteem and low self-confidence.   Furthermore, I am naive and gullible!  Why do people think that I am naive and gullible?  Perhaps they think that I am naive and gullible because people think that maybe other people are bad and are scammers and they use other people to get what they want?  So if they ask for money or I'll wind up dead.  What if I go with someone online and they end up being an asshole or even a scammer or even worse a killer?  I know this is the anxiety talking and the anxiety will get me in trouble...

I pre-ordered Pahla Bowers book mind over menopause awhile back. Well let's just say about 2 months ago. It was just released today---June 27, 2023. I have only got throught a few pages.  

I got teary eyed when  I saw a little dog in the middle of the road. Not sure what kind of dog it was but I think it was a chihuahua. No was not Nicki Rose because is in her crate when we left to go weigh in. It was moving around but it was dying. He would have been dead by the time we got across town to take him to the emergency vet. But I wanted to help that little puppy. That was really bad trigger. 

I have three official diagnoses which are selective mutism, auditory processing difficulties, and Panic Disorder.  I know that I have something else wrong with me.  I just can't say it because I will get in trouble for saying what I have.   Having outbursts is from what other people have told me.   And no one even knows this but I stumble over my words when speak.  Do I stumble over my words and then get mad for saying the wrong thing?  Actually, I think I do that in private when I make videos or do self-talk.  FYI: my self-talk is not always positive.  So I will just say the symptoms.  I made a screenshot of my Pamela's SM Journey page.   Here it is.  It figures I would leave something out. Even in meditation I move around and wiggle tap my hands and feet. Even in Jr high my teacher told me I was tapping my pencil or pen and it annoyed the teachers plus the other students in my English class.  I remember one tim...

I have been writing journal prompts in another area.  It's in a book. I'll read it.