My Blog

I beca I can't put the words together.  I have never kept anything from him?  Please correct me if I'm wrong.  Even when my mom thought that AJ was a predator. My mom won't remember ever saying that and that is okay. I did hear her say that.  No he's not and he was never. He could never be one ever.  Do you still do yoga?  wha what does he do to relieve his anxiety?  Does he have support?  I have support. Not very good support. Just that no one in my family really understands Selective Mutism and what I have to go through.   Hey, how does he feel about me?  I know I loved AJ when we first met. I love him even more now.  I want to get to know him more.  OMG!  Help me think of the words.  There is only one way to find out if we can  um.... shit. I can't think of the words.  help!  

I haven't figured this out yet, but why does Jason's bird bother me now?  Every time something bothers him I mean AJ, it bothers me too.  Can someone shed a little light on that for me please?  I'm going to come back here to write something else later.  

I have so many thoughts in my head right now I don't even know where to start.  First off. I'm about to say something that I think I might regret but I might not.  I have never felt like this about anyone before.  AJ is different.  I want to be with him.   The apartment I want to get or rent actually is Delta Manor is close to Parkdale Mall.  Just that all is need is a supported living counselor to help me or someone else?   I am really confused.  I'm still trying to figure out how he would call me his girl, or huney. Still trying to figure out---would he call anyone else that?  I'm still confused.  I want some answers but I'm afraid of this rejection.  :'(  If someone really wanted to be with someone like me--they would do anything to make that happen, right?  But he's respectful to my parents and wanting me to ask them if I could or if we could meet?  shit that didn't come out right.   Maybe everyone ...

I think I did something to make him mad.  and he regrets ever meeting me. :'(  

Is he mad at me because I cant physically talk. I want to talk. This is so frustrating!!!! Why is this so hard? I feel I want to give up. 

Is he really living with his parents in Seattle Washington?  So he told me that his parents died in a car accident, so um.... yeah.  Or is that his step-parents he is living with in Seattle?  I like talking to him though.  Now I'm starting to get scared.  :'(   Plus, he was in a moving truck that literally hit me, my mom and dad. If my dad hadn't swerved off of the road to he would have hit us head on.  If I had been wearing my seat belt, I would have been dead!!!  :'(   I can still see my ass tumbling around in that van. I literally went flying across the van to the passenger side of the front seat. I was drinking a diet pepsi and eating skittles and that went everywhere. Now I can't eat or drink them at all now as it reminds me of the stupid accident!   All I saw was a big yellow penski moving truck.   I don't know how to spell it but it was the same truck that AJ was moving in when he was moving to Kansas....

What if I were to get an apartment by myself and then do something that no one else would even think of doing, what would you do?   Like what if I hid someone inside my new apartment, what would you do?   Then they would be so mad at me. I would get mad because they got mad. No, would not get mad because I would have someone there to calm me down from the attack. My mom would ask why did I do it?  I would get scared and say I don't know.  I would ask AJ help me and of course he would help me.   Actually it did happen not only once but twice when I was at Seville Apartments in apartment number 303.  Jason spent the night not only once but twice.  When Jason spend the night that first time, I told mom that Jason was meeting me at IHop that Saturday morning.  Actually we messed around a little bit but then watched a movie called the Smurfs.  I kept falling asleep though. We slept together the first time he spent the night.  W...