My Blog

 Do I struggle with being socially anxious or something?  For example: I bite my fingernails.  I already know that I can't speak in front of certain people in certain situations. Like my aunt, my sister, and my mom and dad.  Everyone Selective Mutism individual that I speak/typed to have told me the same thing.    

Last night I had this really weird dream. I felt like I was running, and running from something and now I woke up really tired.  When that happens, it usually means I will run really well this morning.  I maybe even be running 1 mile.  I kept running and running and running.  I ran for a 10-minute video and a 25-minute video of Pahla B Fitness on YouTube.  I love her running videos.  I could run all day but I'm not going to.  My body would be stressed out and want to store fat.  My body thinks that I'm starving it so it wants to store fat.  My body will lose weight where it wants to where ever it wants to.  lol!      

 I can't do anything all because of this coronavirus.  The only thing I can do when I wear a mask is speaking clearly.  but no one can understand me due to the mask I'm wearing.  Do you want me to show you?  It's only when I am wearing my Hangin Tough mask.  I'm Hangin Tough through the coronavirus.  That song Hangin Tough literally got me through everything!  It is an 80's song and I loved that song!  That song sends a message like well they said it was like "say no to drugs".  That song, Hangin Tough, literally got me through the tough times!  I would always listen to Hangin' Tough.  Hang Tough until January because that is when they will have a cure for coronavirus.   I always smile when I watch a New Kids on the Block (also known as NKOTB) video on youtube. But that day in 2014, I must have really been depressed as I was not smiling when I was watching an NKOTB video.  I cried the whole time.  :'(  ...

I found that I worry about my physical and mental health and I worry about other people's health.   My periods have been heavy for about three days now and I have to change my pad nearly every hour. I just think it's normal to have heavy periods when you are going through perimenopause or menopause. But this is kind of TMI to be talking about on a blog.  Just thought I would let this out to make me feel better.    I now have to change my pad for at least three days every hour.  Thursday, October 8 is the fourth day.  Plus I have this rash either on my face, neck or on my right arm.  The rash goes away the day I get my monthly cycle.   Whew! I feel better now. Now I'm afraid of making up new illnesses if I tell someone about this.  :'(    Actually, My monthly friend have been heavy since August 2017.   https://www.webmd.com/women/heavy-period-causes-treatments#1

Hurricane in October?!  You gotta be sh**ing me!  This can't be happening!  As if 2020 couldn't get anymore worse?! But 2020 had been good to me really.  I can speak but only when I have a mask on. I'm not sure.  

I have a question for women with Selective Mutism or just anxiety.  Does anyone get a hot face when they feel anxious?  I recognize anxiousness the day before I um.... I'm on my monthly.  Does anyone else um... have anxiety the day before um... they are on their monthly or even during their monthly?  Does anyone else get moody around that week too? ugh!  I believe anxiety is ten times worse for a woman on her period.  ugh!  If you don't want to drop a message below, just send me a message if you don't want anyone else to see it.   But yesterday I had a little bit of anxiety and today I felt a little bit of anxiety. I guess some people just irritated me today that I.... :'(  I cant think of the words. Another question I have.... is that part of autism when they cant think of the words to say? 

My a$$ is constantly moving around. How?  I can prove it--maybe.  My chair is like almost.......... oh shit. whew!  omg! I almost fell back in my chair just now. Well anyway, I'm. I may not realize this but I find out later when my chair or my toilet seat has a screw loose.  How to say that my TD has gotten to the point that I move to much that my body like breaks things that I sit on and it's not just because that I'm heavy. It's also because of the TD. I just don't realize that I move around on the chair or in the bathroom. I don't do anything to the toilet. I just sit down and then get up.  I tried to screw the thing in myself but my hands are not that strong enough.  My arms and legs are strong but my fingers are not that strong. That does not make any sense.  :'(   Here is a picture of my right arm. It is a picture of a few minutes ago that my arm was red and splotchy.  It was itchy and burning.  After I calmed down the burning...