My Blog

 Why is it that I am afraid to ask for something like taking a class?  I just feel like I am not allowed to do anything especially since this coronavirus started?  Like I'm not able to take a class or even volunteer at Beaumont Community Player or something.  I wouldn't want to volunteer anywhere right now since the coronnavirus is kind of um........ wild right now.  This is making me so anxious.  I tried to ask if I could go to college Solano College but no answer.  I remember asking her if I could take a class there at Solano College. Then I tried to ask if I could go to college at Indiana but no answer.  Why did I want to go to college at Indiana was because my friend sent me an invite to look at it.  Mom won't remember me asking these things.  :'(    I remember asking about these things like it was yesterday!  I so wanted to go to a class at Solano College but I didn't understand that or what it took to go there or how...

 These notes wer from the Self-Loathing Podcast on YouTube.  It is a fitness matters podcast with Pahla B.  Self-Loathing is just thoughts. I think thoughts like 'I am so fat', 'I am so stupid', and 'I am so worthless'.  When I get on the scale, and I am so stupid.  I should not have eaten that.  I should eat foods that make me feel good in the morning.   Your thoughts create feelings. When you think am so ugly. What feeling comes up for you?  Different thoughts create different feelings.  The strategy for changing your thoughts is "I notice that".  Say that in front of whatever your thoughts are.   You can decide whether or not these thoughts are serving you or not.  What thoughts did I notice when I was listening to the Self-Loathing Podcast?  (you can find it on the fitness matters podcast with Pahla B)   I always feel bad about myself.  Especially when I think about things that don't really ser...

 Okay.  You control your thoughts. You control your feelings. You control your actions. You control your results. Things you do control. You do not control other people. You do not control the disease. You do not control death. You do not control taxes. You do not have any control over other people their thoughts, feelings their actions, their results.  What they do what they say how they do it how they say it. And why they do what they do.  Actually, if you're a kid, they can control you.    Your body is going to do what it's going to do.  You don't control where you lose weight or how you lose weight or where you lose weight.  Your body is going to do what it is going to do.     How do you control your feelings?  What I do know is that....  not by stuffing them down?     When I get on the scale, I think "oh I have gained".   After I have gotten on the scale and weighed.  I go back to wh...

 I have found another Selective Mutism individual.  Well Chris (i met him on Facebook) the one I am talking to on google hangouts told me that his daughter Lillian has Selective Mutism and also has panic attacks.  Mental Health and Selective Mutism is so important to me.  If Selective Mutism is not treated as a child, it can have negative affects into adulthood. They can also develop depression and have suicidal thoughts.  I would like to help her but I'm scared as I am afraid that they could be lying.  If anyone ever lied about having mental health issues or Selective Mutism, or lied about their daughter having Selective Mutism, is just sick because as I have said above that mental health and Selective Mutism is important to me. 

 Okay. first I am tired of my Selective Mutism!  I wish that it would just go away!  And second I am tired of this coronavirus!  Both are literally making me sick to my stomach and no even understands! :'(   I had 2 to 3 anxiety attacks. The first one was about me and the fact that I think that I'm gaining.  I am gaining around my mid-section and I think I have some sort of growth in my stomach making my stomach stick out. :'(  It's not funny.  It's embarrassing me!!!!    

 It was on a Saturday last month and my sister came over so it was just the four of us. I started sweating excessively and I thought it was it was hot in the room but the A/C had just kicked on.  So it wasn't that. So I was probably having an anxiety attack? What were we doing? we were eating breakfast.  So I probably had an anxiety attack.  But why?   There is help for Selective Mutism in Houston Texas as I know that it is long drive there. I know it won't cure my Selective Mutism it as it manifested into adulthood. It will make me better. I wished that I had been treated for my Selective Mutism when I much younger. Now they won't let me make me better! I want to make me better. My one question is: Is this my choice even for an individual with Selective Mutism who can't really stand up for herself? You think it will be worth it. I bet your wondering where I heard this huh?! The same ones who say things that are outlandish. Yep, that is right! Jas...

 I have been feeling like I have a lot of anxiety but I don't know why.  :'(  Does anyone else's hair come out in clumps because of anxiety or stress?  Well, this morning I combed my hair and it came out in clumps.