Why?

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 Why is it that I am afraid to ask for something like taking a class?  I just feel like I am not allowed to do anything especially since this coronavirus started?  Like I'm not able to take a class or even volunteer at Beaumont Community Player or something.  I wouldn't want to volunteer anywhere right now since the coronnavirus is kind of um........ wild right now.  This is making me so anxious.  I tried to ask if I could go to college Solano College but no answer.  I remember asking her if I could take a class there at Solano College. Then I tried to ask if I could go to college at Indiana but no answer.  Why did I want to go to college at Indiana was because my friend sent me an invite to look at it.  Mom won't remember me asking these things.  :'(    I remember asking about these things like it was yesterday!  I so wanted to go to a class at Solano College but I didn't understand that or what it took to go there or how to go there.  It was about 10 or 15 minutes or even 30 minutes away from Vacaville California.  I should have asked harder but I did not.  :'(       

If I would have been put over someone's knees and spanked every time I did something bad, I won't be as bad as I am now!   I am an asshole with no empathy!!!!!!!       


I really can't express my feelings word of mouth but I also can't express them on writing or paper. Just look above. This all like um..not explaining things well.  :'(   I am leaving things out or I feel like I'm leaving things out. :'(    


Well this is how I am feeling. Maybe I should listen to more podcasts by Pahla B Fitness. I feel more upbeat when I listen to her podcasts.  I did not listen to any today and I feel like sh*t!  :'(  

Why is it that I mentally feel like complete sh*t?  :'(  




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