My Blog

I love do those run/walk intervals.  I believe it gets rid of my anxiety attacks/panic.  I look forward to Pahla B Fitnes run/walk intervals every day.  When I first started, I headed straight for her 5K run/walk on YouTube.  Then I ran the 10K.  After I was done with the run/walk I would recover and meditate.  How can I sign up for a one-mile run/walk just to start easy?    

Would a death in the family cause an anxiety attack? I think I had an anxiety attack on Dec. 20, 2012. I came back to my apartment after shopping with my mom and sister and after we came back from the hospital and I cried and cried. So I had already got my cry out and my anxiety attack out of course people thought I was having a fit or a temper tantrum.  Because think about it, my grandma was in the hospital on dec 20, 2012 and was a sad day.  I was really really anxious and sad and depressed.   Yup!  I definitely had an anxiety attack in 2012 on Dec 20th.  As I entered my apartment, I immediately cried.  I was not throwing stuff around.  I was just sad.  And hurt again that someone would blame me for hurting my dog. I would not hurt my dog.  I love my dog to pieces.  :)  She helps me with my anxiety/panic attacks.  I love Jordan. She is so sweet.    Why do you want to run/walk or even race?  I want to do th...

I just remembered my dream from last night.  I had dreamed about Manuel last night.  Manuel was in a Skype call with Jason as he wanted to know what he looked like.   Okay I am listening to this podcast on YouTube Self Care and I learned one thing.  No one has NO control over on how everything will work out.  I said I wanted to go back and live in that apartment and Dad said that they were mean over there. Well they did not know me or they did not even ask me or even try to ask me.  They were not even patient with me except for one lady over there.  She was nice. One day (I forget what her name was)  this lady wanted to walk with me to go to the store or to Walmart.  I should have tried to ask her if she wanted to walk with me to Rao's that day. I was scared and anxious.   

I dreamed that I was in my own apartment right now.  Everything was totally fine.  I had a visitor in my dream.  My grandmaw was in my dream and her spirit was in that apartment building.  So that is why everything was totally fine and also my parents got into that apartment building with me.  I ran this 10K on YouTube and I blew up like a balloon.  It's like my ankles swelled up before my eyes.  Why does it do that?  The lady warned in the video that the run make our ankles swell up.  I did not believe it.  A couple of other parts swelled up on me like my midsection--- then I realize that um... erm... uhhh it is um... ehem that time of month for me.  Yeah. I always swell up when it is that time of month. um..yeah.   About 7:30pm I had an anxiety attack.  I know because one of the symptoms for anxiety attacks is dizzyness.  So I had an anxiety attack for about 2 hours?  :'(   I was listening to a p...

In the middle of the night around 3am:  Ahhhhhh oh this not good!  I am afraid to say this let alone write this.  But I guess I will get this out. I think different little things that scare me ----- like just now something woke me up just now. I thought that a train was going to run me over trying to cross it or driving over the railroad tracks. Or then I thought that a train was going to run someone else over trying to cross or drive over the railroad tracks. :'( makes me sad.  :'(   it sometimes wakes me up from sleep. Different things or different thoughts or dreams wake me from sleep and I cant sleep. Sometimes I am able to go back to sleep. Or I am afraid of losing other people. I am afraid of going to sleep and never waking again. I am afraid of my dog running off or getting run over. But that is like worrying today about tomorrow.   Don't worry today about tomorrow. I'm (i fell asleep)   Then I got up to go pee.   (then ...

I was feeling a bit anxious.  I don't know why I am feeling anxious.  I guess there is no reason for those that are feeling a bit anxious.  Anyway, I found these soothing rivers and streams and so I am listening to them right now.  It makes Jason have to pee.  I'll keep listening to it. It makes me calm and makes Jason have to pee.  LOL!  

Friday July 17, 2020   I had get this... I had done a five minute youtube video. When the five minutes was up, I restarted the video.  Then I restarted the video for a third time and that was the last time.  So I had done exercises for 15 minutes.  I was just back exercises and well it was upper body exercises.  I  had laid down to just meditate for 20 minutes and I fell asleep.  I didn't intend on falling asleep.  Then I was going to maybe see if Jordan wanted to go for a walk and then I was going to throw one load--my light-colored clothes in the washing machine.  Jordan did not want to for a walk.  Well basically I had Jordan's leash on her while the cable guy was here.  (i guess the cable went out while i was sitting upright in a chair meditating with KinoYoga on YouTube)  I was going to just take Jordan to mailbox and the round the corner and back in the driveway but Jordan kept going like she was wanted to go for a w...