My Blog

When we were in that van and that truck was about to hit us or sideswipe us,  I started to panic.  :'(  I don't know. It's just hard to get this out. I start to think about that horrible accident that was in the Summer of 1992.  How often do I think about?  I don't know. I guess I think about every time someone else brings it up.    :'(   Okay. When Jason was saying what kind of Selective Mutism I have, he said that I have a weird kind of Selective Mutism and that Bekki Winter, my SM friend has regular SM.  :'(  I am still trying to figure that one out.  You mean that Jason says that I have weird Selective Mutism and Bekki has regular Selective Mutism.  WTF is the difference, Jason!  Jason, don't answer that!!!!  I'm sure that you will give me a stupid answer!   I want to figure this one out.  "Maybe there is nothing to figure out".  Someone whispers in my ear.  I don't want to blame anyo...

So far I ran a  virtual 5K three different days.  There is a lady on youtube that does exercises for over 50-year-olds (I'm just getting started) and her name is  Pahla B Fitness. I love her workout. She has workouts to get your heart rate up.      I feel like I have lost weight in the upper half of my body but the fat is going to my hips, thighs, and butt.  Then Jason butts in and says I have gotten bigger and then he says that I lost a little weight.  Make up your mind, dipshit!!!  While I was playing SuperCity I was thinking a damn negative thought.  :'(   Like um... when I well first when I got the phone that I have, my dad said he wanted the new phone cable/charger.  I thought no! Then took it straight up the stairs and tried to plug my new phone into the old charger.  It would not fit.  Glad I disagreed to let my dad have it!  The old charger would not fit into the new phone. Dipshit!  Wh...

I haven't been able to sleep for days now as the air condition went out in one of the rooms.  I think there is an animal trapped in the a/c vent but ya whatever we will see what it is when the a/c guy shows up if they ever do!  I slept in my recliner one or two nights but 

Last night I had woken myself from sleep screaming. I can't remember what happened?  I don't think I was being chased.  Is it somewhat of a panic attack?  

Today I thought I was going to go to the WW virtual meeting but I overslept for the 8AM meeting on zoom.  I could have went to the 10AM meeting.   This morning I noticed that my A/C vent had water drops around the A/C vent.  I didn't see any water drops on the floor until this afternoon.  Told mom and I swear that her eyes sprung out from her head like a cartoon character. LOL!  My dog also reminds me of the Tazmanian devil where she spins around and well she doesn't slobber though.  She spins around when I ask her if she wants to go to bed or wants a treat.  It just cracks me up.   I should have named my dog Tazmanian devil -- Taz for short.   But she is not a devil.  She is just a sweet dog with a lot of character.

Last night I dreamed that I moved back into the apartment I was at and everything was A-okay. I was fine.  I showed off my SM cards and my reborn- Hope Serenity.  I showed people what a wonderful dog I had and that she was not aggressive.   I would like to live in a place just like it but where.  Would I have to wait until I turn 55 to move into one as I am not old enough yet?  I would like a little more help to consider this.  I want to try it again but how.  I want to make my dream come true but how.  How do I make my parents realize that it would be A-okay?  Should I or should I not let my parents read this?   Seriously when I turn 50, I want a big party.  I would like since I only eat fish and or chicken maybe a fish fry or baked or barbeque chicken--sides to go with would be salad and or mac and cheese.  I thought of even writing a speech and saying it but that would be too much, right?  lol!   Why...

As you know I don't know what that was last night on June 23, I felt a little anxious and a little annoyed but that's about it.   Last night I well...  This is really not good. I haven't done this in forever. I was refilling my medication and meds went flying. Luckily they stayed on my kitchen island. Then I lost it and my vitamin bottle went flying across the room. Then I took an Ativan.  :'(  Is that a really violent anxiety  attack!!!???