My Blog

 1977 - three years old.  I remember that Becky and Robert Young baby sat me, Karin and my aunt Lisa.  So I guess when I was 3 years old my aunt Lisa was about 10 and my sister Karin was about 8 years old.  I also remember that Becky and Robert Young just had a mattress on the floor and Becky and Robert's kids Amy and James would never sleep in their beds up in their rooms.  They would always sleep on the bottom floor in Becky and Robert's room.  They all lived in Lumberton Texas.   Something happened at school and wouldn't ask to go to the toilet.  I was scared that they would hear my voice as all individuals with SM are afraid.  But I did learn a trick.  When I don't look at the person when I am speaking or when I am upstairs.  Oh I told myself that I would get myself a reward if I yelled from upstairs all the way downstairs.  So I got myself a top and capri denim leggings. 1978 - I was about 4 years old.  When us k...

Greatness is always in the moment of the decision.  I do workout and stream TV and stream my workouts .  No small decision I make today will break me.  I will tend to my thoughts and feelings.  I am grateful to be alive and well for the most part.   Today I had an anxiety attack .  It was about my bathtub leaking .  Question.  Has anyone ever had a thought about moving and a thought comes saying that someone to duck someone else when they are helping then pack to move or getting rid of some stuff and they quit just because it got hard or overwhelming to think about....?  

I don't read to know more about something but to understand other people.  I love to read about anxiety disorders , selective mutism , Autism and ADHD .  I don't think that I have ADHD per say.  I do things that just make it look and feel like ADHD.  It does not mean that I have ADHD.  Some people are so wrong about what I say or think.  Now autism I do think I have a bit of mild autism called Asperger's Syndrome .  I have the symptoms.  It's hard for people see that in me since I can't be me.   A person can't know everything, but they can always learn more.  What are you happy knowing?  It would be nice to know what was causing me to not be able to initiate a conversation with people.  Or is that normal to not able to do that?   What do you wish you understood more?  Yes, I do wish that I understood people a lot more.  It would be certainly helpful if people had captions on their forehead .  Some...

I am thinking that all I gain from others words is when my subconscious mind picks up what my brain does not hear.  That is what I maybe think what my auditory processing is like to me.   What I love to read about is anxiety disorders.  

We had a stray cat that would wonder the neighborhood and beat up on other cats in the neighborhood including my babygirl Happy.  I nicknamed him asshole because of that.  Well this afternoon, asshole crossed the rainbow bridge.  I was sorry that asshole cat went a slow and painful death.  In the end, he was all sweet and well, that was because um... he was really sick.  I believe that something got asshole probably another cat or maybe a raccoon?   Not Midnight because he is really sweet.  Midnight is an all black cat short hair.  I just can't let a cat or even a dog go hungry or without vet care.  But no one had the money to take asshole or even Midnight to the vet.  But those cats were mean to my Happy.   I would like to say that this event was really triggering to me.  I just don't like to see a dead cat.  It is sickening that people don't take proper care of their cats or dogs.   Happy only hangs ...

What is one thing you think is true that everyone thinks is false? Just because something is not known, doesn't mean that it is not true.  Just because someone said that it is not true doesn't make anything false.  What does that even mean?   Some days I can speak and other days I can just talk someone's ear off.  I know that seems weird for me since I don't talk much.  It is the selective mutism that chooses when I can speak.  I do not choose when I can and can't speak.  Just ask any selective mutism individual and they will tell you if they are able to speak.   When we are comfortable around people and it is not a stressful environment, we just pop up and speak and it just shocks the heck out of those around us who know about our SM.  Is that correct?   The above picture is what I thought first hand at what selective mutism was by experience before anyone ever, ever told me.  

Being human means that there will always be one thing that we can relate on.  Is there someone you dislike?  What problems do you think that they face?  Well no, I don't dislike him.  In fact, I like him way too much and want the best for him.  Well I can only say what he has told me.  He has told me that he does have ADHD.  But Jason keeps telling me that Aj is normal and does not have ADHD.  So I was told to listen to other people and stay away from people who play games with me or try to lure me away from my parents house and try to do something bad to me.  There are some bad people out there in this world and that I should stay away from people who are trying to lure me away and try to sweet talk me to go with him.  If I would have went with him, something bad could have happened.  And this is my severe anxiety called selective mutism talking right now so don't kill the messenger.   Is there any way you can relate?...