My Blog

I remember.... well I don't even remember saying this but I told my mom that I wanted a yellow house, a yellow porshe and a white cat.  Well I got a white cat.   A friend of my dad's cat had kittens and one of them was a mancs type cat.  He had no tail and he hopped around like rabbit.  I had named him Snowball but my dad called him Rambo because he fought with the neigborhood cats all the time.  When me, my mom and dad moved to California, (my sister stayed behind) we took my two cats Snowball and Joe. (yes, I named my favorite kind of cat after my favorite new kid at the time in 1990)   Joe was a grey-striped tabby cat.  

Why would I think that I have mild autism this late in life?  Because I before first grade I couldn't read.  I remember my mom carrying a big box of hooked on phonics up to the house on Broadmoor Street.  Okay. what are the symptoms of autism I could probably be able to say what they were or even now what they are.  Those symptoms are not normal.  I don't know the way people act today... those symptoms probably are normal.   When I was hanging my clothes after I washed them, I noticed two huge spots of mildew in my closet.  So that was the shit I that was smelling like cigarette smoke.  I only smelled it in the kitchen and bathrooms.  I really want out of this house.  This mildew is literally making me sick!  I am stuck in this house because I don't know what to do with this house. If I could, I would sell it to someone who buys ugly houses.  But it's not my choice.  Just like it wasn't my choice to let TJ fix up the ...

Okay. I went to the doctor and they had me get a second blood test.  My doctor didn't say what it was.  She just refered me to another doctor which that appointment is in October.  My mind is overthinking this.  That anxiety is through the roof now.  I want out of this house now!  Read below is why.   When I was hanging my clothes in my closet today I notice this huge black spot on the wall in the closet.  Now why would I write on the wall of my closet?  Tell me that! Why?  It wasn't there before hurricane Rita or hurricane Ike.  It must have appeared there when I was moved over there in the apartment.  Now I see why TJ took the money and ran!  Think about it.  There was this big huge black spot on the wall upstairs.  I have no idea what this spot is or even how it got there.  Somehow I will get blamed for this black spot getting on the wall.  :'(   It could be from that big black spot on...

Does selective mutism turn into autoimmune disease from trauma? There is  no evidence to suggest that selective mutism directly "turns into" an autoimmune disease due to trauma .   However, there is a connection between  childhood trauma, stress, and the increased risk of developing autoimmune diseases later in life . Studies have shown that [Link: traumatic stress in childhood increases the likelihood of hospitalization with a diagnosed autoimmune disease in adulthood, according to the National Institutes of Health (NIH) https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC3318917/ ].   Here's a breakdown of the relevant points: Selective mutism and trauma Selective mutism is an anxiety disorder, not caused by trauma or abuse. It's characterized by an inability to speak in certain social situations despite being able to speak in others,  according to the MedlinePlus Medical Encyclopedia . While some sources acknowledge a possible link between a traumatic event and the deve...

I went to the doctor this August and my blood sugar was back down.  But my doctor had me get a second blood test and that was for autoimmune.  Now I'm looking up things that could help---like changing my diet.  My doctor didn't say what autoimmune disease it is.  I have to have an MRI again of my breasts.  Those machines are so loud!  I tried to meditate but it is so loud that I couldn't consentrate on my meditating.  Has anyone ever got stuck in an MRI machine. This is what I am afraid of!!!  The last MRI I had of my breasts (aka: the girls) Here is a video I found that it's something about trauma that effects autoimmune disease.  I kind of have to blame myself for getting this because I eat foods that I know that I shouldn't.  Don't we all do that?  But...what does she say in this video is that autoimmune disease caused by trauma.  I think I misunderstood that.   I do believe that I got trauma two years before I was...

Does a weighted vest help with anxiety?   Would a weighted vest help with back pain?  How am I going to tell people that independent living is so important to me?  But people keep telling me that it is rough out there.  I even heard from this lady who is 32--she has ADHD, and an autoimmune disease.  Poor girl. I can't understand the autoimmune disease because I don't have it.   Hey wait a minute!  Do you know if a worn out mattress can cause neck, shoulder, back, low-back, hips and leg pain?    I'm just trying to take good care of my pain first and formost.  But when I try to stand up for myself, people keep telling me that I need to lose weight and then my back pain will go away. Uhhhhhh no!  The back pain will not go away until I get rid of the culprit which is that stupid mattress!  Two people agree with me James and Jason!  ahhh thank you god!  I have two people on my side!    What people are s...

My earliest childhood memory was when I was 3, 4, and 5 years old when everything kinda started happening at once.  When I was 3, I was spending the night with my grandmother on a Friday or Saturday night.  I could swear that my three year old self was thinking like what would happen to my body if I were to pass away right then at that age.  I tried to "shake it off" and try not to think about that.  The more that I was thinking that, the more scared I got.  Which brought me to the time I was about 9 or 10 years old when mom and I were in my room and I kept telling her that I was scared.  Mom kept saying "scared of what".  I knew what I was scared of but I was afraid to tell her.  And just now today I put two and two together and realized that I was afraid of death and dying.  I swear I had the same reoccurring thought since I was three years old.   I felt like it put a lot of intense distress on me at 3.  I know now that death...