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Today....... In the time that mom was on the phone with my aunt Lisa, I fed big boy Midnight the outside cat. He's a black pretty cat.  And did I mention sweet cat that comes around begging for food. I sometimes give Midnight one of Happy's favorite treats.  It's that long envelope of treat that Well, it's called temptations.  You can get it in the salmon, chicken and tuna.  But that's beside the point.  Anyway, In the time that my mom was on the phone with my aunt Lisa, I fed Midnight folded up some of her dish towels and unloaded her dishwasher.  Well some of my dishes were in there too. Because I'm 5"3' tall I put the dishes and pans that was too high for 5"3' tall off to the side on the counter.  Question:  is it true that people with severe anxiety, (selective mutism) have too much energy and hyperactivity?   " People with severe anxiety may experience excess energy and hyperactivity 2 3 4 .  Anxiety can lead to physical and me...

I wish I would have got more support when I was about 5 years old!  Any doctor would know this but they don't want to tell you that you need support for your selective mutism.  I'm sorry to say this but my parents told my doctor at the time that I didn't need support and that I was happy like I was when in reality I was not happy at all not being able to talk.  But my parents would blame Jason for abusing me and not supportive at all.  I think it's time to set boundaries.  How do I do that?   Be back later. I have more to say.  

No one needs to be so cold as to leave someone because they are so afraid of abandonment. No one will hurt them. But I guess anyone can be that way these days. I wish the world wasn't so mean.  I wish people didn't have to be so cold as to leave someone without telling them why. 😭

Describe ways you can be kind to yourself when you're experiencing any kind of pain. I am not experiencing any kind of pain.  I am trying not to eat too much.  I don't want to do that hand-to-mouth thing anymore.  I am scared my blood sugar will go up there and stay up there.  So I am waiting to see when I get nauseated because then I know I am truly hungry.  But everyone knows that they eat when they get get bored.  So am I hungry or just bored?  I think I am just bored.  There was this one time in junior high where I was so hungry that I was nauseated and there was nothing to throw up because I hadn't eaten anything.  Well I chose not to come to the table.  What I did not tell my family was that I was too anxious to come to the table.  If I would have told my mom, she would have asked why?  I wasn't able to asnswer that back then.  So I went to bed hungry and anxious.  That is just about the only secret I had beside...

Watching a cat and a dog play. Watching videos of NKOTB on YouTube. Holding and rocking Nicki Rose. Holding and rocking Happy. Holding and rocking a reborn. Well that's not bad.  I thought of 5 things.

Journal Prompts I feel powerless when ____________________ If I could go back and whisper something to myself as a little one, it would be ___________ What feelings am I escaping or avoiding by focusing so much on others? I wish I would have said _________________ I wish I felt confident enough to ________________ What would my life look like without my symptoms? ______________ makes my blood boil I feel so________ I need_________ I really want to forgive ____________ I release _____________ I no longer need/want to _______________ I daren't even admit this to myself, but ___________ I wish I could change ________________ I hate _____________________ The secrets about me that nobody knows are _________________ I don't even like admitting this to myself but ___________________ I feel angry, but underneath that feeling I can also feel _________________ They made me believe that _________________________ I still believe that I have to ______________ (eg: in order to be loved / acc...