My Blog

Well, I had a dream last night that I got an apartment at the same place where I was at and it was much better.  My dream was very vivid.  Why do I have all these dreams about getting an apartment or house and yet in real life I can't right now?  

1. If people want to continue talking at me, please don't trigger me.   2. I will meditate when feeling anxious. 3. Stop eating when feeling not full but satisfied. any more suggestions? 

I lost .6 today.  February 6, 2025 - Update.  I think the reason why my weight is going down is because I am contracting diabetes.  Some of the symptoms of diabetes is weight loss?  And then once you get diabetes you lose muscle tone.  And once you lose the muscle tone, your weight goes down more for about 6 months and then your weight goes back up again. I wish it didn't have to be that way, but it does. :'( 

Well how am I to start this?  Back in 2013, my aunt Tanya said the most dreaded negative thought about her daughter Kim.  She told my mom that she would never ever ever live by herself ever.  That was a negative comment.  But that is not the story of the comment.  Just the other day, I heard my mom saying what Aunt Tanya said about my cousin Kim.  Now I know how Kim felt.  HORRIBLE!   Well Kim bought a house or an apartment with her "significan other".  And I don't mean it was with a man.  My cousin Kim is a lesbian.   Well just because I have selective mutism doesn't mean that I can't get an apartment.  I know I can't buy a house because a credit card is needed or something and I don't have credit.  Just say no to credit cards!  Credit cards is a "no,no in my book".  And I don't know where I got that to saying no to credit cards is from.  I guess I got it from Jason.  Jason is always the answ...

This is the self-care that I want to practice.  I want to know if I can do this.  Okay, I can do this but it can only be for fun and imaginary play.  You know how we were all kids back in the day well in the 80's?  When I was three years old, I played for hours on end with dolls that my grandmother gave me.  Me and Jennifer my childhood best friend would play for hours on end with barbie and we would also play school and we would play and record videos of us doing the news and weather.  The name of it was "Channel 13 News" whoa whoa whoa channel 13 news" as I try to sing it like that.  I want to try and do one of these things on the list.   Self Care Planner Day 1 – Deep Breathing Day 2 – Negative Self-Talk Day 3 – Setting Priorities Day 4 – Journaling Day 5 – Self-care Ideas Day 6 – Affirmations Day 7 – Self-Limiting Beliefs Day 8 – Journaling Day 9 – Mindfulness Day 10 – Deal with Your Past Day 11 – Focus on the Positive Day 12 – Reflect on...

Yes, I do believe in miracle.  I know how to answer this question but I don't know how to explain my answer or over explain.  Now if that is not autism then I don't know what is.  I guess normal people can't explain or over explain things either.   I am high-functioning autism and I want to find out for sure.  I swear, my brain processes things differently.   (I'll finish this a little later tonight.  I need to save this in the process of typing this)

This saying. "depression is anger turned inward".  I got that from a journal prompt list for anxiety and depression.   I wonder if it's possible that I ever had any Trauma due to selective mutism which also turned into depression which that turned into anger in adulthood?  I would have to say yes because.  But then again I was only a three year old kid and didn't know better or didn't know what depression and anxiety was back in the late 70's around 1976.  My feelings didn't even matter as I was three years old back in 1976.  When I was three years old, my parents had to feel my feelings for me because I didn't know what it was back then.  I still don't know. They have tried to teach me but I failed to listen.   Does anyone think that if  Trauma present, does anger outbursts occur later in life in adulthood?  I don't think that I had any anger when I was 1, 2, or 3.  It had to have started when I was 4 and after I got diag...