My Blog

First off today is my Nicki Rose 🎂 birthday.  Well it was the day i actually abopted Nicki Rose.   I was listening to meditation music and few images of when I was 2, and one image popped up in my mind and it was Robert Young.  I think I figured out what happened to me when I was 2.   It had something to do with Robert Young. All I remember is that he was yelling at us kids, me Karin and Lisa and his own kids James and Amy.  I believe I caught him yelling at his own wife Becky Young. He was such an ass!!!  Robert Young is dead now.  He's been dead for a couple of centuries.  Plus the dog bite trauma---it just added on to it.  The accident in June 1992---it added to that.  

Write about the words you use when you speak. Are they, gentle? Commanding? Life-giving? Stinging? Timid? Compassionate? Give real-life examples to support your many examples. When I speak, I sound naive and gullible. I don't know what it is but to me I sound really naive and gullible. 

I need to ask this question. Will the SM get worse when a loved one passes away? Will the SM individual go into a deep dark hole?  Me? What I think is that and I know this is negative but I think that I will go back in that deep dark hole and become unable to speak to everyone and have Progressive Mutism. But I could be wrong though.  Let's better hope I could be wrong.  I am worrying about when mom and dad pass I will go into a deep dark hole that I could never get out of.  yeah, Jason mentioned it and it really got me to thinking.  :'(  What I want to know is that---does selective mutism get worse when a loved one passes away?  Like does the individual with selective mutism go backwards and stop talking to everyone?  What I want to say is that I do want to speak.  I wish people wouldn't put words in my mouth like some three year old!!!

I remember when I was 2 my aunt had ahold of my hands and the next minute I threw myself back and pop---my arm came out of the socket.  I rushed to the doctor and he popped it back in place.  

I have had joint pain before and it wasn't even my time to get joint pain.  I have had headaches, nausea, dizziness, and stomachaches.  Still do get them. One time I had a stomachache and nausea so bad when I left the house to go shopping.  I knew it was anxiety. I figured it would go away later on anyway.  God picked me to get selective mutism because he knew that I was a tough cookie! One time in 2017 before Hurricane Harvey that is.  We were going to Houston and I threw up in my dad's truck.  I knew then it was my anxiety (selective mutism).  So when I leave the house, I feel like I am going to puke.  😥

Heck, I don't know I am not sure. I have never tried to do anything but ride my yellow bike that my dad built and painted for me because I loved yellow so much when I was five.  When I first got on my bike, (I called it my yellow porshe) When I was five I told my mom I wanted a yellow porshe.  Now I can't ever learn to drive due to my medications.  When I first got on my yellow porshe, and rode down Broadmoor, I was so proud of myself.  

Well, I don't have unlimited time or money.  This is why money and time are so valuable.  I would have pedicures daily and daily massages.  I would also go to daily meditation and yoga classes daily.  This is why I am going to get down to my goal weight and do these things.  Well I am not going to do them daily I will do it one time and that's it.  Those things would cost me a lot of money to do.