My Blog

When I was watching this video, I almost cried.  Today I had the same thoughts when I was three back in the 1980s at my Grandmother's old house.  I went on google maps to see what it looked and oh my god. It looked like crap.  It looked like a dump!  It looked good when Granmaw lived there.   So anyway. This video triggered my days when I was 3 three years old.  Back then I kept asking my three-year-old self "What will happen to us when we die?"  The more I asked my three-year-old self that question the more scared I got.  Who would tell a 3-year-old child what happens to us when we die?  I felt the fear and if I could see it in my eyes I would have been in tears. But I sucked up my tears and never said anything because I didn't know how to tell this and how it scared me.  Now I finally found a video that would explain it. I was so frightened that night I spent the night at my grandmother's house  :'(  I think I found what...

Meditation. Written by: Pamela A. Wyatt Written on: Saturday, March 4, 2023

If the scale did not exist, how would you know you're making progress? I would tell by the way my clothes fit. What is a non scale victory you are proud of? I exercised MODERATELY and watched what I ate. What changes had to happen to accomplish that victory? When I get on the scale thinking I gained. I give myself a hard time as I step on the scale. But once I step on the scale, the numbers are lower. I feel so happy and relieved. I think. What did I do to lose weight this week. Well, I watched what I ate--and exercised MODERATELY! Like I learned from Pahla B Fitness on YouTube. If you are over 50 and want to lose weight, please go to her channel. It should say "Pahla B weightloss coach for women over 50".

I remember a time when I was 10 years old.  My family was bring me back to my hometown from the mental hospital I was in---in Galveston Texas. UTMB? Well something like that.  My older sister was in the way back of our mom's Bronco2.  Our dad had a van which me, mom and dad had the accident in 1992 but that is another journal prompt.  Anyway in the way back of the Bronco2, My sister and I were playing "hand puppet" games and saying "I'm a ghost can't catch me".  I was actually talking in a low whisper to my sister.  So I guess I had low profile SM at 10 years old.  At 5 years old I did shake or nod my head but still would not say anything.  Again, I said that was low profile SM---but that was around family.  Strangers I can talk to a little bit if I am not looking at them in the eye. That where I am most anxious is where I look people in the eye when I speak to people--it is around certain people and certain situations.  I don't think I ...

Self Respect means to me that a lady will not go around having sex with strange men.  Self Respect means that a woman will not go parading around in a skimpy outfit that looks slutty.  I don't do any of those things, because I respect my body.  Well, I did that once or twice.  Well here is the story and I'm sticking to it. I told my mom that I was meeting Jason at Ihop but she didn't know that Jason had stayed the night.  We did do um.. that thing where we um. Yeah we did.   What she doesn't know won't kill her, I told myself that day.  The second time we just stayed at my apartment and watched movies and Jason slept on the sofa.  I slept in my bed.   Now, what is your opinion of Self Respect?  Drop the comment in the box below.   Self Dignity is when I believe that can do some small thing like going for a walk without people calling the cops on me and my dog, getting a job, or a volunteer job or getting an apartment....

If I keep listening to other people when people tell me that people are a scam, I will never meet a nice person or I will never recognize what a nice person is.  Well he could have just told me that he didn't want to talk to me anymore.  I would have been hurt but I would understand why.  :'(   It's okay. I knew that it was coming though. ugh!  I just thought I would enjoy his friendship while it lasted.   All Jason ever does is set timers to take a nap.  Then he gets up talks to me and then I say a few things back I can't remember because I slept.  Then he goes back to take a nap and sets his timer.  Then he repeats what he does all day long on his days off.  I think I just realized that Beaumont Community Players is a scam.  These days everything is scam! Ugh! 

This may be a rather dull or uninteresting blog but when I was three I probably was anxious and couldn't talk to anyone. I was anxious when I was 2 and 3 years old.  What happened in preschool is what I would like to call trauma.  When I entered kindergarten, I was mute. I would not speak in class, teachers or to my peers.  It's not that refuse.  I wanted to speak to my peers in class but I physically couldn't.  Something happened in preschool when I was 2 and 3 years old.  This is why I believe I had selective mutism when I was 2.  I was anxious when I was 2.  I wouldn't say anything when I was 2 to anyone else because I was scared back then.   I am able to speak to my mom in small sentences.  I am able to speak to my sister in a small group 2 to 3 people.  I am able to speak to my dad a little bit.  Not able to speak to my niece, nephew, aunt and cousins and brother-in-law.  When the problem is with my niece and nep...