My Blog

Alot of people just still don't understand selective mutism. I try to explain it and people just don't want to understand it or just don't even want to try and understand it.  I think I can speak for everyone who has SM.  We get so anxious that we eat and then we gain weight because we are eating whatever we want.   For me, I am the biggest I have ever gotten.  Back in 2012 on December 20, my medication was apparently wasn't working for me and no one wanted to believe me. Then one day on a cold December day something triggered that anxiety and it went off and I started crying uncontrollably. No one at the apartment complex knew about the selective mutism. They just thought I was angry.  See? If I would have helped myself, I would still be in that apartment today!!!   I knew that I needed a medication redo or something along those lines.  No one wanted to believe me when I told them so I left it alone and ignored it.  Then that thing with...

Guess what Nicki Rose did?  I was taking a couple of letters for my mom out to the mailbox to be mailed and Nicki Rose shot out the door and hauled out to the street at least she knows not to get in the street.  My mom had a knee replacement surgery.  Then she went across the street to the neighbors yard and she laid down and she knows she did wrong because her ears went down flat against her head and her head went down.  I wasn't going to hit her. I was only going to carry her back over our yard and in the house and say "No! you don't go out the front door."    

I can already tell with that first affirmation.  I can't make my own decisions with confidence and conviction.   Ugh! You mean Mom and Dad only can make my decisions with confidence and conviction!   Yeah, but I can do other things. You know the simple things like make my bed, or cook for myself.  But if it's dealing with other people, I can't make that kind of decision!  It's only because I have selective mutism. Selective mutism is a talking condition. But there is so much more than selective mutism being a condition of not talking.  

After Thanksgiving Jason told me that he thought that my sister was fat!  Ugh!  He has no room to talk since he's as big as a house!  I made a post on Facebook and it said something like this.  My cousin Gail says "You go girl"!  LOL  👀😂

Earlier in the week on Sunday I started my period and then ended the week well not ended the week but on Thursday I had two anxiety attacks. I got up from my desk and went to take 1 attivan before heading over to my sister and brother-in-laws house on Thanksgiving. There I also had another anxiety attack. I don't think I even know why  I have them? 

  What compliment do I wish someone would give me? That I wish someone would give me is how much that I have lost.  I wish someone would notice that I have lost weight.    

Which recent experience in  life taught  you a big lesson? Life taught me to never run from the police.  But when you have selective mutism and unable to physically talk and want to run and hide.  It is part of selective mutism to want to run and hide.