Saturday December 10, 2022 | selective mutism

Alot of people just still don't understand selective mutism. I try to explain it and people just don't want to understand it or just don't even want to try and understand it.  I think I can speak for everyone who has SM.  We get so anxious that we eat and then we gain weight because we are eating whatever we want.   For me, I am the biggest I have ever gotten.  Back in 2012 on December 20, my medication was apparently wasn't working for me and no one wanted to believe me. Then one day on a cold December day something triggered that anxiety and it went off and I started crying uncontrollably. No one at the apartment complex knew about the selective mutism. They just thought I was angry.  See? If I would have helped myself, I would still be in that apartment today!!!   I knew that I needed a medication redo or something along those lines.  No one wanted to believe me when I told them so I left it alone and ignored it.  Then that thing with granmaw back in 2012 and everything went haywire with my medication. Everyone thought that I was angry when really it was my medication that needed to be adjusted.  I should have demanded that I needed to go into the hospital right away and get a medication adjustment.  All this would have been avoided if I had just demanded to be in the hospital for a week or two.  Because apparently, with Granmaw dying in the hospital, that just trigged me really badly.  :'(   I can still remember me looking at Granmaw from the hallway of her hospital room and being extremely anxious!!!      

Here is what I am thinking. I am thinking that Granmaw might have had a little anxiety which therefore passed it down to my mom and then me.  Karin.....?  Well I think she is more like Dad. No actually I'm like more like dad and my sister is more like mom.  What was Granmaw's mother like? Did she have anxiety or was it more like selective mutism?  But no one for sure knew what selective mutism was back in that day and age so they just ignored it.