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This title of a poem just popped out as a name of a song on YouTube.  "Maybe this Time".   Maybe this Time, I will succeed in life. Maybe this time, I will get an apartment. Maybe this time, He will come back to me and we'll become more than just friends. Maybe this time, I will learn to drive. Maybe this time, You never know. It could be so unexpected, as life is unexpected.

Success Plan:  1. Good Sleep 2. Mindfulness Meditations 3. Examine your thoughts 4. Positive self talk 5. I can speak to whomever I want to. (example thought) 6. My sister is thinking bad of me. (example thought)  7. (example thought)  8. (example thought) 

I am a terrible blogger. I haven't journaled since September 17.   I don't know if said anything about this but I was wondering if hypnosis will work to help me overcome SM. You know? Jason and AJ helped me to speak by making me feel a little more comfortable about speaking outside of my comfort zone so I'm speaking a little bit more. So would hypnosis work? I manifested selective mutism somehow and somehow I have to reverse it?  How would I reverse it?  There is this party I will have when I overcome SM soon and everyone who has ever known me is invited.  

I guess the real reason was-- it would make him look bad if he took me away and my family would think I got kidnapped. No but maybe he didn't love me anymore. No but he cried for me.  But this was one of those things that he had to do.  Whew! I feel better now that I got that out. 

I keep trying to convince myself that AJ was teasing me that loved me.  When I was in elementary I loved someone when I was in kindergarten I will not say any names---well on this blog anyway. If asked, and in private, I will say.    Then in junior high and high school the guys would tease me about the same thing over and over again. So I just think that guys are just teasing me. So in junior high someone named Brian in my class asked me if I loved Brian or Jason(another Jason). It was another Jason and he went to Marshall middle school. Of course I thought loved him. I wouldn't say. I was too shy. But it was the selective mutism that preventing me from speaking to him. I loved him so much back in Jr high.  They would play this same joke over and over. So I finally told myself that they are just teasing me and to just ignore them every time they did. I believe that we go to school to learn not try to get guys.  How do I know that they are not teasing me?  H...

When using the Law of Attraction to lose weight, say these affirmations to yourself or out loud for 21 days.  You will begin to notice a little change in your weight loss journey.  Some days I do not believe these things but some days I do believe these things.  I am strong, confident and happy with my body. I am improving my physical health every day, and I can see it in my body Every day, I steadily lose more weight. I release myself from guilt, negativity, and shame around food.  I take care of my body every day. There is no need to overeat; I can manage my emotions in healthy ways. I feel love and gratitude towards my body for all it can do. It is easy for me to lose weight and improve my health. I love, accept and care for myself no matter what I look like. I can do anything I set my mind too; even now, I am getting fitter and healthier. I am healing my body and healing my mind. My body is losing weight right now. I am growing and changing, becoming who I was al...

Book was talking about childhood fears. I wonder if I would Remember any adult verbally abusing me. I'm sure I would remember it? Right?      I remember I was around a loose dog (Donna's dog TJ) . I'm sure he's dead now.