My Blog

I am depressed.  Why didn't anyone tell me that we are entering into depression?  I just now discovered my granmaw on my mom's side of the family: she lived through the depression.    My mom confirmed it.  My granmaw was born in 1923.  The depression was from August 1929 to 1939.  Well I had to ask google and that is what google says i dont know if that is true. 

How do I boost my confidence then?  I want to find my voice but how? 

I can remember what happened when I was three.  I remember that something happened to make me not talk to anyone. Something scared me really, really badly.  Just think if you were a three-year-old and something scared you really bad, wouldn't you be afraid too?   Let me see, I hope I don't forget anything here.  I was at my grandmother's house on my mom's side of the family and I was sitting on her couch in the 1980's.  Something got me to thinking about death. Yes, you think such things when you are three years old.   Maybe it was my dad's grandmother.  I think my dad's grandmother died when I was three years old.  

This is hard. This is not good. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place!  People keep telling me that he's a catfish.  He keeps telling me all these positive things like AJ told me all these positive things to make me feel good. Now I have fallen hard for AJ and now he's left me.  Another positive friend came along and he says he wants to be friends first and just see where that goes. His name is Norman and he meditates and does yoga when he has free time.   People say he's a catfish.  I want to see the good in people.  Should I screw what I say and listen to other people?  or should I do exactly what I want to do and get in trouble for doing what I was told not to do?   Thursday, June 30, 2022 - He gone!  Liz, my aunt's sister was telling me that he is a scammer and that she can spot them about a mile away. I am so grateful that I have her as a friend.  

Oh Wow there is alot to say but I'm not sure I will remember it all.  Please don't kill the messenger.   *takes a deep breath*  I found a new close friend. We met on Facebook.   His name is Norman. He has an only daughter. His mother and father passed away. His wife passed away. Not sure what of though.  First off he says he is Christian.  He meditates and does yoga.   *********** People are trying to warn me people are cat fishing on Facebook to get me to send them money, but I know better than that.  I have selective mutism. I know right from wrong.  It's wrong to send people money unless you are buying something and you will be sent something. But anyway, I shouldn't be buying anything.  I don't want to be wasting my money or should I say my dad's money?  Because I am drawing off his social security.  So if I were to find a love that is true? Would I still have to stay on my dad's SS and stay at home in there ...

I'll just let him be. And just listen to music all day. One of which is Hangin Tough by NKOTB.   I would like to say it gives a message to hang tough through all the negative stuff people say and to listen to people but not listen to all the negative stuff that people say. How would I know what the positive stuff people say? How would I know what negative stuff people say? 

Jason told me that AJ was just a summer/fall fling and that he was happy where he is.  Then I asked him that and he said yes. He is happy.  Okay. I think I will leave him alone now.  I won't ever bother him ever again since I know that he's happy.   Well I'm sad because AJ gets to do whatever the hell he wants to do and I just have limits to what I can do!!!  AJ won't read this blog, I'm sure of it.  So I will not worry about what I write.  (I think)  Since I couldn't get an apartment, he just left me and basically told me it was over. And I am just telling bits and pieces of the story as I remember it. Yes I know I leave sh*t out. Why? Because I cant remember it. So sue me. I dont have money for him to take or for the judge to basically just give to him. No please dont sue me. Actually my mom and dad would have a cow!!!! My mom thinks that AJ is a scam. Me? I dont think it matters what I think. My mom will still think he is a scam until the ...