My Blog

How come I go to bed and then I toss and turn all night. Okay. First, I will work on my sleep.  How do I get enough through the night?  I want to be able to not have any moods.  Then I want to work on my selective mutism.  Then after I had earned a huge reward for myself, I want to get an apartment on my own if I have the money.  You can go with me and support me but I can do all the talking to them.   I just want to be able to talk to other people besides my comfort people who make me comfortable to talk to.   This has nothing to do with the title but was he serious about getting together with me? I want to talk about this.  I may not be able to talk about my feelings but I want to find something to talk about. I have been thinking about why he broke it off with me and I came up with an answer...........  He thought I looked ugly, not pretty enough, not good enough for him.  That was probably why I was rejected.  :'(...

It is a thing of my past, I wanted it to last. I think it could have been meant to be, but I didn't want to be a tree. If he would have waited like two days, we would have met each other and prayed. I wanted it to last, but I think now it is a thing of my past. I wanted it to be meant to be,  but like I said, I didn't want to be a tree. We could have prayed each day to make it work, but I don't want to lurk. I love him to death and always will, but this has been harder to deal.   I would love to be just friends, and if he wants to message me, he's going to have to make the first move.

I hope that I'm saying this right.  AJ messaged me after 10 years.  Well after the last time we talked and that was in 2014.  After the last time he got arrested and I hope that it wasn't AJ's fault?  I love him as a friend but I don't want him to get in trouble with the police.  He told me once that for the most part I kept him calm.  He kept me calm for the most part.  Now I too afraid to message AJ.  I am afraid that he will bite my head off if I do. Yeah, I haven't been afraid to message him before all this.  I have been given good advice from one of my other Facebook friends that I should just leave well enough alone until AJ comes to me first.  I am really sorry that I texted him talking about him.  There was something else but I forgot that part.  AJ said that she has three teenage boys with autism and she is pregnant with a 4th baby.  I would ask but I'm afraid to ask.  I wondered what were his plans but was a...

Well, that was an adult thing to say. I am so done with you. I hope he's done with me. I will be there as a friend if he needs me.  That was an adult thing to say if I do say so myself!  We are not good for each other either.  So the best thing for me is to stay here in this house.   So I guess that is the first step to getting my own apartment ehh?  Except for the money situation.   This is a time for an affirmation.  I have money coming to me at the right time and space sequence.   No, I'm not judging AJ.  I never judged him.   I am simply explaining that the best thing for me is to just stay here for right now until I start acting like an adult.  An example would be this blog post.  

This relationship is over because my mom told me no I couldn't meet him.  She will never remember ever saying that to me because she has a terrible memory!!!  So I will try to forget I even said that.  I want my best friend back. But how do I get him back?!  I have no one that I can really speak to.  He really is afraid of me now?  

I know why she said no. It is because she doesn't want to take care of another friend boy of mine.  Please correct me if I'm wrong.  That AJ said that I was his girl.  That works out perfectly because he's my man and I want to make him mine.  Even if mom and dad say no.  So I get to do anything I want to when I turn 50?  Okay.   Everyone else can do whatever the hell they want to and they have either ADHD or they have autism or both. I am the one who has to ask permission to breathe!!!! 

Does AJ even like talking to me anymore? What does he have planned so far with me? 👍🏻🤗🥰😍😍😘