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Does AJ even like talking to me anymore? What does he have planned so far with me? 👍🏻🤗🥰😍😍😘

Hey, I'm going to start this out by initiating a talk but I'm afraid that I will get angry and self-harm when or if this talk happens.  Like I said, I am afraid that I will get angry and self-harm. :'(   I know why they won't let me date AJ. It's because I have known Jason longer. Now why can't I just date AJ?  I am not going to tell anyone else what he takes for his anxiety.  I will just keep that between me and AJ.  Just don't ask what it is, please. But I will tell you this.  It is legal.  

What if someone were to ask me to go to Nevada with him?  What if I wanted to go?  What would you do?  Would you say hell no and won't let me go?  or Would you let me go with him to Nevada after meeting him?  I know what mom would say..... let's talk about this later!  When is the right time to talk about this?   I know what she would say is that I could be a little more careful about meeting people online. Too late, I have already fallen hard for him.  I love him.   What if she knew that I knew exactly what I was doing?  I was having my fun!!!  What?  Is my fun just about over? or is my life just starting at 50?  Am I allowed to meet him or what?  What if I already knew how to act but the anxiety was just making me act shall we say weird?  I was watching a youtube video on how anxiety or how social anxiety makes me act.  Selective mutism is in the category of social anxiety.  This is why I do...

Why is not dating AJ not a good idea?  Is it because of Aunt Lisa and what this guy that she met online who did that to her?  I must tell you that AJ is not like that.  What would it take to get you to understand that AJ is a good guy?  I want to know why is it not a good idea?   We have been talking for 10 years. What do I have to know? What do I need to know?  What to do?    I need mom's permission.  

Yesterday I adopted a cute chihuahua mix. What is it mixed with? I don't know, not sure. But the dog has a broken hip.  The lady at the animal shelter said the dog had a sprain.  Really? According to their vet, it was more than just a sprain.  It is a broken hip.  Poor baby.  I believe that she can heal that broken hip with lots of rest and me carrying her up and down the stairs.  I'm sure she would love me to carry her everywhere. But that's not all.  The lady at the shelter also failed to tell us that the dog had heartworm.  Then the shelter was going to get her spayed before they gave her to me.  She has a broken hip and the shelter was going to get her spayed? Does that sound right?  Not sure if they can get her spayed on a broken hip or not.  She is a Chihuahua/Fox Terrier and her name is Nicki Rose.     

This is a what-if.  I am making bracelets but I really don't know how to sell them. So what am I supposed to do?   Ditch my dream of making rings, earrings, and bracelets just to stay here in Texas. Well, I can make jewelry here in Texas and sell them.   So I am making them and keeping them in a box until someone that I trust which is AJ can help me sell them when we finally get together.  So what are his plans and what is he going to do?  I really want to know.  I will not tell anyone else what his plans are.  I will keep that a secret.   I am doing something I never really done before. I'm going to write down whatever I am thinking... Well this morning after taking the trash out, I locked the door by mistake.  My parents back only to find out that the door was locked.  I immediately thought if I have to do shit like that for whatever reason which better be a good one, then I better start learning not lock the door. ...

I always think of a question when....get out of an appointment with my therapist.  Okay I want to see if I am able to figure out where or who I developed my selective mutism from. I want to get to the root cause. I am ready for this.  I think some of it was when TJ the dog bit me on the nose.  Which I am pretty sure that dog is dead now.  It's no ones fault that I got bit on the nose. It just happened. I guess that I would just stand and squeel and squeel like every 5 year old kid did.  Dogs don't like that. It really hurts their ears.  Then I developed selective mutism and then I got my tonsils taken out at age five.   The dog bit me on the nose, and I got my toncils taken out and I started kindergarten all the the same time age. That was really terrifiying!!!!  Oh I was beyond terrified!!! I have come to the conclusion that it was between those three things that caused me to have anxiety about the dog bite, my tonsils taken out and me start...