My Blog

Living with my sister and brother-in-law or living with my aunt Lisa is not what I want to do!  What are my plans for doing what I want to do?  No, I'm not going to get in trouble with the law if that is what you are thinking.  I won't do that.   They will say, "don't worry about that right now, We are not dead yet."  That anxiety is pretty much at a 10 and coming out of the top of my head!  I know they will say that I'm angry and just trying to get attention out of all of this. Then they will ask why I said that and why I don't want to do that. And then they will think I am pitching a fit and won't do what they are telling the courts.  No, mom, I will not take this blog down.  I mean I want help but don't want them talking about me like I'm not in the room.   No, this is NOT a bad day. This is an issue I want to solve and I am going to want help to do this. Again, I do not want to live with my sister and brother-in-law or with my a...

I have a sore throat because I can't speak freely about this.  I am afraid he will get mad at me.  I guess I will keep it to myself for now.  There is one thing that I have to let out now!!!  This one time AJ answered skype or video chat and he was in bed cuddling with Melissa. I was so jealous that I wanted to claw her eyes out and this was about 8 years ago I think.  This is how bad I want him! AJ is different. He watches what he says to me.   I feel so much better to get that out of me.  I hope he does not get mad at me.  :'(  

 This cruise I'm going on is going to be so challenging.  I am going to need help.  AJ really helps me stay calm.  He keeps me so calm.  I love him so much.  I love his personality.  We are just waiting on permission to meet.   How does he really feel about me?  This SM(anxiety) is kicking me in the butt right now!  

That anxiety is whipping my ass again. I have a feeling I am getting to be unsafe again.  Please tell me that everything will be alright.  

I'm scared that I am gonna lose him. I love him so much.  He understands me.  I want him!  I am trying to be understanding to him.  He is into Crystals I think.  And I think he listens to meditations and I think he used to do yoga. No wonder he is encouraging me to run more... he used to run. If I had someone to run with, I would run outside and around the block or in the park.  How does he really feel about me? I'm confused about this all for three or 4 days now.  The first time I talked to him on the site, I loved him. I had to keep it secret. I just figured that he will be back and I could be able to talk to him freely. I am willing to wait for him for as long as it takes. I love him so much.  

AJ got me a Birthday gift and I'm having some pretty wild guesses here.  I'm not kidding I do have some pretty wild guesses. One guess I thought it was an essential oil set. He said no, but he thought about that one.  The second wild guess is a sunflower ring on walmart.com.  I saw another sunflower ring with the words "I am enough" on it.  I want that one.  I think I will get that as a Valentine's Day present to myself instead of Chocolate this year!  Then he mentioned that would give my mom a panic attack.  What did he buy for me?  A promise ring? An Engagement ring?  Okay, I was kidding!  LOL!   Oh, that is something I will have a panic attack over.  I don't want to let him go.  I don't want to lose him.  We have been through too much and I love him too much to let him go.  I don't care what my mom and dad say!!!  I want AJ!  AJ calms me down after an anxiety attack and he told me that I calm hi...

I just wanted to say what my new year's resolution will be.  It is to eat better, according to make my pms symptoms better.   Lots of omega 3's in foods. Well some of those foods are 0 points.   My other New Year's Resolution is for world peace and kindness and kindness to animals.