My Blog

First off I'd like to say welcome October.  Where am I going?  This will be like a fragmented blog!  I will say things all out of whack and not care how it sounds or where I am going with this.  I may not be able to speak but I'm a good listener.  What people say I certainly am processing what they say.  Some people get mad and even a little agitated at me.  I would like to live with someone who understands me and my anxiety attacks/panic attacks even if we might beat the crap out of each other.  I am considering living with Jason.  I would like to live with AJ but they would need to have a pretty open mind about that one.    But I think that people also think that (i forgot what I was going to say here) When I remember, I promise that I will write down here. but I won't go having a panic attack trying to remember it.  

I think I made him agitated.  Then again, I can't recognize people's feelings either at least that is what my mom told me.  I don't know if I can recognize people's feelings or not.  I am trying to be there for him but he's making this really hard.  This is why WAIT............  are the reasons why I can't recognize feelings is be-----shoot.   Is autism part of not recognizing feelings?   8:10pm  9-28-2021  -  I have...... about a million thoughts running around in my head and I don't know where to start to let them all out.  A couple of thoughts might be inappropriate to even tell up in here. Yes, I'm scared that quite a few of my thoughts might be inappropriate.  I don't know where I got that idea from.  

I don't know why but I make people depressed. 😢😢😢😢 I knew he would leave me again. I'm really depressed now. 😥😥😥   He left me when I really needed him the most.  Is it because I would not speak to him? Because that is why other people gave up on me. 😢  I'm out. I'm going to bed. 

What is on my mind?   Saturday, September 25, 2021  OMG!  This is not good!  I um... uh beginning to love him more and more each day.  How do I stop this?  But I'm afraid getting rejected.  :'(  The anxiety will not let me say what I want to say.  Yeah, I know people will tell me not to worry about it.  If it is not important, don't worry about it. I don't want that to come to late especially when I like talking to him and he likes talking to me.  You know what, I'm not going to worry about it.   I am a person with a mental health disorder and people with a mental disorder and an anxiety disorder and have to ask their parents if they want to do something.   No not something illegal.  It is not anything like that.  I will not let anyone do anything illegal and getting in a car with people you don't know is bad news. My parents have to know  their parents and get along with them well.  ...

 Prison Of Silence written by:  Pamela Ann Wyatt I’m in this prison of silence, Is there something in it for me? I’m in this prison of silence, I don’t want to be a tree. I’m in this prison of silence, I wish people wouldn’t be offended by me. I’m in this prison of silence, I believe one person has a key. I’m in this prison of silence, I just want to be free. I’m in this prison of silence, I believe I will be.

I don't know where to start.  This blog will be random thoughts that happened.  Some will be so silly things that I have said or done when I was a toddler about 3 years old.  That is about the earliest memory that I have.  The memory that my grandmother had was when I was about 3 years old, my grandmother told me her memory about her going to pick up my aunt and sister from school.  She said that I ran out to the car and said, "I'll drive grandma!"  I wanted to drive so bad and now I can't because of one of the medications I am on.  It is the Oxcarbazepine.  It is the medicine that the doctor at Baylor College of Medicine in Houston suggested it and my doctor prescribed it.  The medicine that was taken off of, one of the doctors at Baylor said it caused tardive dyskinesia.  I am actually starting to believe that it was just a habit.     Another memory that I had was when I spent the night with my grandmother.  I don't...

Are people living with Selective Mutism (anxiety) more likely to run off or no?   But I know for a fact that anxiety would be through the roof.  I would be scared of EVERY GOD DAMN THING!!!  Really?!  I'm going to say god's name in vain like that?!  Really?!  Do I have a plan?  What I do know is that I do not want to live with my sister or my aunt when god calls my parents home.   I believe we are all god's children and the children are like siblings so when someone is sick or dying of cancer or dying of natural causes it means that god is calling his children home.  Is that in the bible or something?  I don't know where I have heard that. I probably heard that when I was about three years when we were in church and ever since then I got scared ever since then of death and dying.  I know that everyone is going to die someday.  I just want to live my life and be safe doing it without really getting arrested.  That...