My Blog

I still can't get this out of my head that my older sister said that our mom has to take care of dad, the dog, the cat and me.  I still can't shake that off of me.  I don't know what the hell that is called.  I guess that is just a stupid thing that I keep remembering all the damn time!!!!!!!! :'(  My sister had to have been half joking but I can't take jokes which is why I think that I have some kind of MILD autism.   I feel bad, I will be back later to type.     I am struggling with expressing my feelings now what is that called.  Is that called stupidity?  :'(     I must take not that I do not feel like this just because of my little friend that comes to visit me.  It is much more than that!  On a scale of one to ten I would say the anxiety is about a 10.  The depression is about a 10.  

I wish people would do their homework and study up on Selective Mutism and learn how to speak to me or anyone else who has this crippling disorder. Please be patient and speak slowly. Here is the website to study up on it: www.selectivemutism.org There is a special way to speak to children, teens, young people, and adults with Selective Mutism. It's called the sliding-in technique. It's explained on the website how to do it. Please study it to learn to speak to anyone who has Selective Mutism. This is your homework. Also there is one book called Selective Mutism resourse manual second edition, and there is another book I like called Selective Mutism in our own words.

Oh did I mention that it was Friday the 13th?  Yes, it is and I'm scared of that day.  

I'm uh... learning about myself and the Selective Mutism that I have.  Are tension headaches really caused by anxiety?  I think Jason was causing my headache on Wednesday, August 11.  That is the day that AJ added me as a friend and started talking to me again.  Yeah, I knew he would be back. :)  I just knew.  The one thing I want to know is,  How come he understands me so much with Selective Mutism?  I will never know until I ask.  Until then I will always wonder.  Perhaps he does have an anxiety disorder but not selective mutism.  I would not wish any such anxiety disorder such as selective mutism on anyone because that is sheer HELL!  So is he like Bipolar?  I'm sure that is not an anxiety disorder, but I'm sure there is anxiety somewhere in there.  That is probably why my cousin from my dad's side of the family knew me so well.   And it goes back to that saying, "I may have Selective Mutism, but I'm cert...

It's about three weeks until the silcone baby I ordered off ebay will be here.  It will come here on August 24.  

I feel sick.  I don't know if it's because I'm hungry or I just ate too much for lunch.  ick!  But I feel like I'm going to throw up.  :'(  Ugh!  I hate those sick headaches.  The kind that makes me want to throw up.  I think because the fact that I was looking at my phone in the car and it made me motion sick.  💩💩😾  I will make me a smoothie in about an hour.  Ugh! I don't know if I can wait that long. ooh I think there is a 7up in there in the refrigerator from April of this year.  I wonder if a 7up goes bad?  LOL!  I wonder.... if a feeling sick like you will throw up from a sick headache.  I actually did throw up from a head that I had a long time ago. Actually, the most recent feeling was back in April of 2017 we were going to Houston visiting my other grandmother, well we all called dad's stepmother, she liked to be called Nana.  It's a mystery of what happened to my dad's real mother, Katherine Rod...

ugh!!!!!!  Last night it was nice to sleep in the quiet except for the sounds of the audiobook "The Worry Trick".  It is not registering in my brain yet.  :'(  Remember? My brain is deaf.  Auditory Processing Disorder is like a hard of hearing person except a person like me with auditory processing is that my brain is deaf instead of the ears being deaf.  So in a way, I am deaf if this makes any sense?    Anyway, I woke up three times to pee.  The last time I woke at 5am to pee was when I woke up screaming.  I didn't watch Days of Our lives or even the news all week. Or I didn't even talk with Jason last night as my webcam stopped working in the other room. ugh!