Thursday August 5, 2021 | sick and other stuff

I feel sick.  I don't know if it's because I'm hungry or I just ate too much for lunch.  ick!  But I feel like I'm going to throw up.  :'(  Ugh!  I hate those sick headaches.  The kind that makes me want to throw up.  I think because the fact that I was looking at my phone in the car and it made me motion sick.  💩💩😾  I will make me a smoothie in about an hour.  Ugh! I don't know if I can wait that long. ooh I think there is a 7up in there in the refrigerator from April of this year.  I wonder if a 7up goes bad?  LOL!  I wonder.... if a feeling sick like you will throw up from a sick headache.  I actually did throw up from a head that I had a long time ago. Actually, the most recent feeling was back in April of 2017 we were going to Houston visiting my other grandmother, well we all called dad's stepmother, she liked to be called Nana.  It's a mystery of what happened to my dad's real mother, Katherine Rodgers. (yeah, I think I misspelled that)  I have always wondered did/or does anyone have a picture of her.

I have been looking at them build these apartments and oh they are so pretty by far.  Well from what could tell they have the prettiest brick on their building.  I would love to live there when they get it all done.  I think it will be apartments through HUD.  I don't know what that means. I do understand that HUD also means that it is cheaper for those who have disabilities in simpler terms that  I can word it. :)  I don't know what those apartments are going to be named but I want to find out!  They are also down the street from my parents house.  Also down the street from Klein Park. The park has a walking trail.  That is the park that got flooded during Hurricane Harvey.  I would say I want to go back to that apartment I was living at but I don't want the anxiety of going down to the laundry room but I have the Selective Mutism cards. :)   I don't want to have to spend laundry money and I want a laundry room in my apartment.  I wonder how much would that cost?  Someone from the internet once told me that I could get an apartment anywhere where I want to live as long as it is safe for me and it is affordable.  I have the Selective Mutism cards I could take a picture of and print it out on little cards and laminate them and put it around my neck with a strap that is about this wide. 

About as wide as in the center of these two lines with a little cardholder if I am unable to speak. Pretty sure I will be able to speak.

This is a letter to the Seville Apartment Manager who was over there at Seville Apartments in 2012. I will not say anything negative. This is my apology and about Selective Mutism. It was inspired by a Facebook post I wrote. How was it inspired by a Facebook post I wrote? I am not sure. But anyway, I wrote this up even though manager of the apartment complex is not working there anymore. She decided to travel the world. Good for her! She needed it! She deserved it!

To Marcy:

I'm sorry how I acted over there at Seville Apartments. The other tenants were overwhelming me with anxiety. I was so anxious enough as it is. One old man tried to hit on me over there. I tried to get away and avoid him. I didn't mind if he wanted to be friends but that's all. I was not able to tell him about my Selective Mutism otherwise, I would have told him. If people were to treat me as if I were normal, this is what would happen: I would shut down in all social situations and the anxiety would be so severe I would not be able to speak even to the people I can speak to. Which sort of happened over there at Seville Apartments. The anxiety worsened and I didn't know about depression but that also worsened. Selective Mutism usually starts in early childhood and if left untreated, it can persist into adulthood. It can leave negative effects like depression or worsened anxiety.

For those that don't understand fully. I will get you to understand. Because if you treat me as normally as possible, I will shut down in all situations and it will progress into progressive mutism even to those to who I can speak to. This is how bad Selective Mutism is. I really do not want that happening. So please make me feel as comfortable as possible.

Friday August 6, 2021

Last night I had an anxiety attack. I was not well enough to get out of bed and take an attivan. I had symptoms of I thought I was going to die!!!!! I had symptoms of an upset stomach. But in the end, I don't know why. I had no reason for why that anxiety attack occurred. I need help identifying it.