Thursday August 12, 2021 | Learning about myself

I'm uh... learning about myself and the Selective Mutism that I have.  Are tension headaches really caused by anxiety?  I think Jason was causing my headache on Wednesday, August 11.  That is the day that AJ added me as a friend and started talking to me again.  Yeah, I knew he would be back. :)  I just knew.  The one thing I want to know is,  How come he understands me so much with Selective Mutism?  I will never know until I ask.  Until then I will always wonder.  Perhaps he does have an anxiety disorder but not selective mutism.  I would not wish any such anxiety disorder such as selective mutism on anyone because that is sheer HELL!  So is he like Bipolar?  I'm sure that is not an anxiety disorder, but I'm sure there is anxiety somewhere in there.  That is probably why my cousin from my dad's side of the family knew me so well.  

And it goes back to that saying, "I may have Selective Mutism, but I'm certainly not stupid!"   We, (and I say we) as everyone with Selective Mutism understands what people are telling us it's just that it takes us awhile to answer.  AJ  is very patient on waiting for me to answer as Jason is not patient. Jason gives up after about a minute.  AJ does not give up until I answer him and he waits for an answer.  This is why I love people like that.  :)  oohh did I say that that loved him?  

My monthly friend came to visit me and she brought me not cramps but a lot of gas. LOL!  I have been eating alot of chocolate this oh god so no wonder I was eating a lot of chocolate this week.  For a minute there I thought I was going through perimenopause but no whew.  There would be a lot more anxiety than just PMSing.  Yesterday, I was having an anxiety attack and someone actually was on cam with me helping me through it. (thank you so much)  

I am ready to get an apartment with the help of supported living counselors. How would I do that?  There is an apartment complex down the street from where I live and down the street from Klein Park.  They look so pretty.  The brick on it looks pretty.  It's a four-story apartment so it probably has an elevator.     I have the SM cards I bought from another SM individual. I have my dog and the reborns. 

There is something that I never could figure out is why do people who have disabilities find other people with disabilities to like "go out" with.  If they gave me permission, I totally would date AJ.  If I could, I totally would.  Oh man, this is a juicy blog!!!  

This SM(anxiety) will get me into lots of trouble with my parents and I would be locked up for days!!!! :'(  You think this is safe?  Or should I forget about it?  I think I am having a panic attack.  :'(   What if someone else finds out about my secret stash somewhere that I got from that stupid a$$ car accident in summer of 1992 coming to Texas for a visit.  By the way, I still have flashbacks of that horrible car accident and I can't get it out of my head!!!! :'(  Do you think that I have a very severe case of Selective Mutism? Well it is an extreme anxiety disorder.  It is where I get very nauseous and I literally feel like I need to puke!  I have dry mouth, I feel like I'm going puke, I feel dizzy, I get shaky.  

I'm getting into trouble.  Jason will tell my parents on me.  :'(  Well that is what my mind is telling me and the anxiety agrees.  :'(  I always lose to that mind and anxiety!!!