My Blog

I'm uh... learning about myself and the Selective Mutism that I have.  Are tension headaches really caused by anxiety?  I think Jason was causing my headache on Wednesday, August 11.  That is the day that AJ added me as a friend and started talking to me again.  Yeah, I knew he would be back. :)  I just knew.  The one thing I want to know is,  How come he understands me so much with Selective Mutism?  I will never know until I ask.  Until then I will always wonder.  Perhaps he does have an anxiety disorder but not selective mutism.  I would not wish any such anxiety disorder such as selective mutism on anyone because that is sheer HELL!  So is he like Bipolar?  I'm sure that is not an anxiety disorder, but I'm sure there is anxiety somewhere in there.  That is probably why my cousin from my dad's side of the family knew me so well.   And it goes back to that saying, "I may have Selective Mutism, but I'm cert...

It's about three weeks until the silcone baby I ordered off ebay will be here.  It will come here on August 24.  

I feel sick.  I don't know if it's because I'm hungry or I just ate too much for lunch.  ick!  But I feel like I'm going to throw up.  :'(  Ugh!  I hate those sick headaches.  The kind that makes me want to throw up.  I think because the fact that I was looking at my phone in the car and it made me motion sick.  💩💩😾  I will make me a smoothie in about an hour.  Ugh! I don't know if I can wait that long. ooh I think there is a 7up in there in the refrigerator from April of this year.  I wonder if a 7up goes bad?  LOL!  I wonder.... if a feeling sick like you will throw up from a sick headache.  I actually did throw up from a head that I had a long time ago. Actually, the most recent feeling was back in April of 2017 we were going to Houston visiting my other grandmother, well we all called dad's stepmother, she liked to be called Nana.  It's a mystery of what happened to my dad's real mother, Katherine Rod...

ugh!!!!!!  Last night it was nice to sleep in the quiet except for the sounds of the audiobook "The Worry Trick".  It is not registering in my brain yet.  :'(  Remember? My brain is deaf.  Auditory Processing Disorder is like a hard of hearing person except a person like me with auditory processing is that my brain is deaf instead of the ears being deaf.  So in a way, I am deaf if this makes any sense?    Anyway, I woke up three times to pee.  The last time I woke at 5am to pee was when I woke up screaming.  I didn't watch Days of Our lives or even the news all week. Or I didn't even talk with Jason last night as my webcam stopped working in the other room. ugh!     

Does anyone else's mind tell you stuff that isn't true?  (Example:  Like what if you have cancer) and Does anyone else's mind tell them that their body parts will be amputated?  :'(  That scares the sh*t out of me.  There is this one lady on youtube, (poor girl) that lost her hand in a boating accident.  Her hand ripped off in a boating accident.   I feel really sorry for her.  As far as I know, she is still a dancer even without a hand.  She is also an actress.     But I like watching her videos.  She does really great--even minus a hand.   

I found out how menopause is like. Ugh! Omg! That is worse than PMS! GEEZ!!!! 😢😢😢  NO ONE. I MEAN NO ONE will want to be around me!  Selective Mutism and PMS ugh!!!  I was struggling! But menopause and Selective Mutism? Geez sheer hell!!!  No it is better now but not by much! 🌀  Well I'm still struggling with selective mutism and pms at times. 😢

After my workout, I had shoulder tension like you wouldn't believe!!!!  My shoulders were hurting.  I took a shower tried to relax. Nope, still kept hurting.  So I listened to a meditation on shoulder tension.  *Two thumbs up*  My shoulders stopped hurting.  But everytime I notice that my shoulders are up, which is about every 5 minutes.  I look in the mirror and dam if my shoulders are up!  ahhhhhh  Would after meditation help me notice where or what my shoulders are doing?