My Blog

I just had an aha moment this week and a non-scale victory. I was exercising and I could not help but notice that my arms are losing weight. I have been working out but I have been hungrier. But the aha moment is that you need to eat less. But don't know what to eat because I keep gaining weight if I eat something. Eating something after my workout Jason tells me that I should not eat anything after I workout. Then I had an aha moment that no one would fight me with. After my workout eat fruit, but Jason might say that fruit has a lot of sugar in it and I should not eat a lot of it. grrrr, I should not eat a lot of it anyway. Jason on the other hand eats a piece of string cheese every night and he says I should eat a piece of string cheese. There is about 300 WW 0point foods I can choose from. Fish, Chicken, yogurt are too start with and beans. Jason will just say that beans have a lot of sugar in them and fish and chicken and eggs have cholesterol in them. Why does he...

Yesterday I had an anxiety attack. I can detect it from learning about it from others who also have selective mutism. I don't think I wait.....  Is it possible to have an anxiety attack over living situations I mean where I am living?   I can't live alone because I can't be trusted?  Or is that a stupid thing to have an anxiety attack over?  I think I should write more.  If anxiety caused belly fat then everybody would have belly fat.  Right? I wonder do anxiety attacks cause belly fat? 

I am feeling anxious today. It all started when Jason told me I don't have anything to stress about or where my next meal is coming from. I have plenty to worry about.  I want to be rid of selective mutism but how? 😥😥

Selective Mutism makes me feel depressed that I can't do anything.   Selective Mutism makes me feel like I can't make friends, drive a car, get an apartment.   Selective Mutism makes me feel like I am helpless. Selective Mutism makes me feel worthless. Selective Mutism makes me feel like giving up and not trying. (I do want to try and then help other kids, teens and adults who struggle with Selective Mutism.)  I am adding more to this. 

last night, I dreamed that I was shot and I was slowly dying.  I am thankful that God allowed me to get up in the middle of the night to go pee.  I guess Sophie the dog, heard me scream and she went upstairs and then turned around and went back down.   If I had to rate the anxiety on a scale from one to ten, ten being the absolute worst I would say that it was a ten in that moment that I was shot in my dream.   I guess the reason I dreamed that is that I'm scared of being shot. :'(  The moment I woke up at 2am, I was shaking.  

Well my friend came to visit and she brought me cramps and really bad period farts. That is what google called them! LOL!    

Well my friend came to visit me today.  The best part is she did not bring cramps, but she did bring depression.  I will never do anything that I want.  I will never ever try that apartment thing again.  :'(   I just want to try that apartment thing one more time before I go into a nursing home when I older as I turn 80 years old.  :'(   Laugh and I will deck ya!  lol!  👀   I still think that I have autism considering that I do have Selective Mutism.  The two disorders are similar but two different disorders.  I do have this book called The Selective Mutism Resource Manual and it has a page or two about ASD and I saw a few of my symptoms.  I think I have autism but it is only mild.  I probably have a relatively mild case of autism.  The article about it--is in that book.