My Blog

Why can't I push myself to do anything? Once I get started I do fine.  I want to do something.  It is just getting started is the problem.  :'(   I was wondering this the whole day is why can't I move anywhere else?  Here is what I came up with and I'm wondering this myself without blaming everyone else around me. I haven't come up with anything yet.  That is because I don't have anything positive to say about that. 😢😢😢   

Last night there was (well I think there was a gunshot firing last night, Wednesday night)  and I think I was the cause of it. Well they decided to come back at night and shoot off some guns at my house. :'(   I had my windows open one day and I think, that they were thinking that if they couldn't have me no one can so they were going to shoot me dead!    Is this anxiety thinking?  I think they saw me naked or something.  I'm keeping the curtains from now on all the time and keeping my ass safe!!!   God! I have a tendency to cause trouble with some men and even African American men!  :'(  I do like everyone but only as a friend.  I don't care what their background is or their color. They could be black, white, red, green chinese, portuguese. I don't care as long they are nice!!!  :)   I really do put myself up to all this anxiety and if I do get shot, then I really deserve it!!!!!! :'(   Okay, I'm not r...

When I went for a haircut i asked what a undercut is showed the picture. No it's not she said.  What I do know is that I have found that undercut is so much easier to style.  I really should not have rewarded myself with food. 

I had dreamed last night that I was being chased by an unidentified person.  I was actually afraid to get up and go pee at 12 midnight because it was dark.  Well I do have every night light on in every corner of the room plus the computer moniter and T V (my tv is also a computer monitor).     I am not afraid of the dark; I am just afraid of what is in the dark.  👀   

Does this sound weird?  Keeping the dogs calm is helping me be calm. In other words, when i calm the dogs; they are keeping me calm. 😊😊😊 Sophie is a young dog but not a puppy. Jordan is 10 years and Sophie tries to get Jordan to play.  Jordan does follow Sophie around the backyard and pees on her pee and vice-versa. LOL! Sophie is too funny trying to get Jordan to play.   The cat, I finally decided on naming her Lucky. But just probably just call her babygirl as a nickname. Lucky is just a name at the vet's office. Well Lucky is Lucky that she didn't freeze to death through the ice storm and the snow. 

Jason read on a Covid-19 Vaccine website that the vaccine might create breast cancer.  Do you know who you said that do, Jason?  I could have health anxiety.  :'(  Do I?   If I eat too much protein, will I get fat?   What will happen if I eat too much protein?  Those are the type of questions that I ask google mini. Jason says If I eat too much protein will get fat.  I don't need any more protein as I am overweight as it is. :'(  I don't want to get fatter if I eat protein.  But If I consume no protein at all, I will lose muscle mass. It will be just fine for Jason. If I gain muscle, I will beat the shit out of Jason and could put him into the hospital.  Jason does not want that to happen.     I think that people lost all confidence in me.  I had SM just about all my life and I'm 47. 

Is he just trying to trigger me on purpose?!  Last night Jason triggered me so bad that I had a nightmare that he had high blood pressure! OMG! it is true.  He does have high blood pressure.  He was asking google mini all these questions that he should be consulting his doctor over not asking google mini.  Well, he can ask Google mini but he needs to also ask his doctor to confirm it.